Stepping Forward
by archphoenix
Summary: College AU with Mass Effect characters. Shepard is starting a prestigious college and finds herself sharing a dorm with Maya Brooks and Miranda Lawson. Despite ending up in a relationship with Sam Traynor, and Miranda's relationship with Jacob, the two room mates find themselves increasingly drawn to one another and struggling to make sense of their feelings.
1. New Starts

Shepard dragged her bags of belongings into what she considered one of the most pretentious rooms she had ever stood in. The walls had some fancy stencil that you could only get at a college where most of it was designed in stone and even had a gargoyle at one point. The cafeteria hadn't seemed so bad, although everything had been made of oak which gave it a rather dark feeling, and it could have fit four of her childhood homes but she couldn't imagine ever feeling at home in a place this...ostentatious.

She hadn't even really been set on going to college if it hadn't been for her scholarship. She was going to be studying literature and history and hoped to make it as a journalist one day, covering wars and getting to the heart of human interest pieces. The lives and stories of other people fascinated her. Buildings designed to make one feel smug and superior did not. She counted three doors in her dorm and saw her name on the middle one so went through it. It was tiny, which Shepard didn't mind; she didn't need much space. There was just enough room for her bed, a wardrobe, some drawers, a TV and a desk.

She dumped her bags gracefully on the floor- she'd sort through that crap later. When she stepped back into the living/kitchen area she was met by two women she could only assume were her room mates.

"Oh good, Miranda. A freshman. Finally."

The girl who greeted her sounded anything but friendly. She wore a lot of makeup, had very dark skin and was quite short- and her tone had been dripping with relish at the prospect of having somebody younger (presumably to try to boss around).

"Leave it out, Maya" The girl called Miranda snapped, in a bored sort of way.

"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Shepard." She offered more to Miranda who seemed friendlier but that had clearly been a mistaken impulse.

"Shepard?" Miranda repeated, with an eyebrow raised and leaning back and crossing her arms.

"Your mother must have been high on drugs when she popped you out then." Maya commented drily and Shepard scowled.

"Has your mother been high ever since she popped you out then?" Shepard asked in a sickly sweet voice and Miranda smirked.

"Whatever." Maya snapped. "Don't touch my stuff or you're dead."

Maya threw Shepard a disgusted look before leaving the dorm all together. Shepard looked nervously around, Miranda hadn't been much more inviting than Maya.

Miranda seemed infinitely tall but that could have just been the boots, she had luscious black hair, pale skin and steely blue eyes. Her accent sounded like she had originally come from Sydney too, Shepard guessed.

"Don't touch my things either." Miranda said after a moment but Shepard was sure that despite her cool demeanour there was a hint of a smile behind those eyes.

"What year are you?" Shepard asked.

"Third of four." Miranda answered. "Hoping to be a virologist before probably doing another degree."

"Great, I love over-achievers in life. Makes me feel so good about myself." Shepard smiled.

"Because I exist to make you happy." Miranda replied sardonically. "Orientation will be starting soon for first years- they'll be at the cafeteria. Watch out for Maya, she's mostly mouth but she's devious."

"Are you two friends?" Shepard asked curiously.

"I'm not here to make friends, Shepard. Stay focussed on why you're here." Miranda replied, cutting Shepard dead before she could ask any further questions.

"We don't have to hate each other if we're going to live together." Shepard said fairly.

"I know why I'm here; to get a good educate and the best future possible. I'm not interested in any distractions." Miranda replied.

There was a knock at the open door and a guy with dark skin and goatee came into the room. He smiled and Miranda, walked towards her and gave her a quick kiss at which Shepard looked away awkwardly.

"New roommate?" He asked Miranda.

"Yeah," Miranda shrugged, uninterested. "Shepard."

"Hey, Shepard. I'm Jacob." He offered out a hand which Shepard shook.

"You're the friendliest person I've met yet." She said with a playful look at Miranda who turned her back on her, walked to the kitchen and began making a cup of tea.

"Yeah, this place can be intense." Jacob joked. "It's mostly just bullshit though so don't take anybody too seriously."

"Oh, I never do." She joked. "Anyway, I've got to head off for orientation. It was nice to meet you...both"

"See you, Shepard and if you ever need a hand just ask." Jacob offered kindly, and Shepard did not miss the exasperated look Miranda shot him.

"That's very kind, Jacob. I appreciate it." She smiled, as she left the room and made her way back down those halls with their ridiculous stencil designs.


	2. Assumptions

Miranda wasn't exactly pleased at the prospect of a new roommate but it was inevitable and she just hoped Shepard wouldn't be as disastrous as the last one who had vomited all over Maya's room which had led to a mini but ferocious war resulting in the girl dropping out.

Miranda had little time for Maya. She was a bully who wanted to walk in the footsteps of truly great people without actually doing anything herself. She was also a complete nightmare in biology lectures and seminars as she wouldn't shut up, determined to get Jacob's attention and some praise from anybody foolish enough to think she was worthy of admiration.

Shepard had surprised Miranda at how she had handled Maya. She'd assumed Shepard might be a bit of a push over, she was certainly over friendly and seemed keen to get to know everyone but when Maya had mocked her she didn't hesitate at returning fire and had left Maya speechless, which could only be considered a vast improvement on her usual self.

Still, she had no intention of getting to know this inquisitive girl. She had enough friends and her life needed routine. She demanded complete focus from herself to get the very best results.

Her first couple of lectures were a breeze, Miranda was often a month ahead of everybody else in workload. She got through it quicker after years of home schooling and being forced to be the best at every aspect of her life- just one reason why she had fled from her abusive and controlling father. The first day was always just a joke anyway, she was keen to get on with some actual work but professors just set out plans (which she had already started on during the summer).

At lunch time she headed to the cafeteria in the hopes of at least being able to get some reading done. It was already busy, she figured the first years must be done with orientation and were being left to find their bearings. She looked across the hall and saw at the farthest end was Shepard, on a table sitting alone. Really, she didn't see why it should bother her. It takes time to settle in after all and just because they were roommates it didn't make her responsible for the girl's well being. Yet, after Miranda grabbed her food tray, she found herself inexplicably walking over to Shepard and joining her. She could only put this down to a sense of pity.

"How were your classes?" Shepard asked, clearly surprised at Miranda's action and trying to desperately make conversation.

"Easy." Miranda shrugged and disinclined to really start talking but she assumed she ought to now she had gone out of her way to sit here. "So how was-"

But before she could get another word out there was a loud cry from a Hispanic boy (covered in tattoos) as he called out to Shepard and a whole group were suddenly running over to sit with them. Miranda feeling squashed and baffled by this sudden change didn't know what to do. The group were attracting stares too by how enthusiastically and loudly they had greeted Shepard.

"These are my friends." Shepard explained torn between amusement and being apologetic.

Miranda could have cursed herself. She hated situations like this and it just proved she ought to stay away from Shepard. She really shouldn't have been surprised that this fool had been able to attract a group of friends already. However, before she could make her not so subtle excuses Miranda was being introduced to all of them: James, Kaidan, Steve, Sam, Kelly, Ashley and Joker.

"Joker?" Miranda asked, eye brow raised and feeling as though this was the worst group she could possibly be sitting with.

"Yep." Joker nodded.

"Why?" Miranda asked, feeling that this was an absurd name.

"Because I'm hilarious." Joker replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Please, Joker," Shepard interrupted commandingly, "I think we all know who the wit of this group is by now."

"Thanks, Shepard." Ashley cut in sarcastically.

"Shepard has been wonderful at helping us settle in." Kelly chimed in and Miranda had to stop from gagging at Kelly's obvious look of lust, but then she saw with annoyance a knowing smirk play across Shepard's list.

"I have to go." Miranda declared, quickly and not bothering to either give an excuse or listen to any more rubbish from that group. She rushed to ditch her tray and almost literally bumped into Jacob on the way out of the hall.

"Hey," he said, kissing her sweetly and then she caught him looking over her shoulder, "is that Shepard?"

"Yes." Miranda responded in a tone she clearly hoped would convey that she wanted to talk about anyone else but apparently it did not.

"Cool. Seems like she's made some friends already. You want to join her?" He asked sincerely.

"I just left them." She spat, exasperated.

"Not a fan?" He laughed.

"She's already irritating and that group is ridiculous." Miranda scoffed.

"Ah, come on," Jacob soothed, "she seems okay. She's a damn sight nicer than Maya already."

"That's hardly a ringing endorsement." Miranda observed.

"I bet by the end of the year you two are the best of things." Jacob said smiling.

"God help me." Miranda said, rolling her eyes.


	3. Open Hostilities

Shepard's first day of college had been a bit of relief to get out of the way and she was glad that it had been relatively painless. The only real issue had been Maya but that hadn't phased her in the slightest. She was used to narcissists.

She was far more worried about the prospect of living with Miranda. She was nervous and awkward when in her presence. This was a girl who just emitted cool composure and Shepard felt like a blundering fool in front of her. All too aware that her clothes were nice but from cheap stores, she was beyond clumsy and she didn't like the aloof act but preferred a more direct approach and she loved a good joke. Plus, her long red hair always made her stand out.

She'd been heartened by Miranda sitting with her at lunch but she got the feeling her new friends had rather scared her off. She had to suppress a laugh at the memory of Miranda's face when James had yelled at her across the hall. This was a place of dignity and smugness, and James just defied all of that.

Making friends so early had kind of been a pleasant accident. Ashley and James were a couple and had graduated school together. Joker, Sam and Alenko had also graduated together but from a different school and Steve seemed shy and alone so he just kind of joined up with them when they were being given the tour. They had all been assigned to the same tour group and just clicked, probably because all of them thought the college was a bit over the top with its fanciness and none were afraid to joke about the gargoyle.

Kelly was actually the fourth year who had given them the tour and had seemed to take a shine to Shepard. Shepard really couldn't help but smirk at how forward Kelly had been but she wasn't complaining. She'd had fun sneaking off to her dorm when everyone else was in classes that afternoon. She was supposed to get to know her way around by her tour guide although she didn't think that's quite what the administrators had in mind when organising everything.

As much as Kelly seemed charmed by her Shepard was also relieved that at the least the old college trope of love them and leave them seemed true with Kelly and she wanted nothing more but a bit of fun that afternoon. They'd be friends but nothing more. This suited Shepard just fine; she didn't like relationships much anyway and she was just starting college. She wanted to experience as much of it as possible...

If there was anybody who had really charmed her then it had been Sam. She was quiet but quirky and really funny in her own kind of nervous way. Shepard found her endearing and she was incredibly humble having won a scholarship too. It had been surprisingly adorable to hear her talk about chess with such determined enthusiasm. She admired someone who knew what they liked in life.

After a quick shower back at her dorm, Shepard made to get a sandwich as Miranda was walking through the door, a full bag of books hanging casually off her shoulder.

"Want one?" Shepard asked, offering her a sandwich at which Miranda just pulled a face. "Thought you might as you didn't eat much at lunch."

Miranda stiffened slightly but then dropped her bags on the couch and grabbed a glass of water.

"You were alone when I joined-" Miranda started, turning to face her.

"I was." Shepard smiled at her apparent consideration but what Miranda said next quickly removed it from her face.

"And I needed somewhere quiet so I could read while I had lunch, hence why I left once those ..." She seemed to be struggling not to say a harsh word, "...friends of yours turned up."

"Oh, well. So sorry I couldn't help you on your educational quest." Shepard muttered.

"Yes, well, no surprises there." Miranda said scathingly.

"You are so stuck up. You don't even know me." Shepard couldn't help but react at Miranda's harsh tone.

"I'm stuck up?" Miranda repeated, aghast.

"Yes." Shepard insisted.

"Clearly you weren't taught how to behave." Miranda mocked.

"Stop assuming you know everything about me!" Shepard yelled heatedly; she hated anybody bringing up or alluding to her parents.

"Really?" Miranda, taunted with one perfect eye brow raised, "Because your loud mouth friends were already gossiping about you and the tour guide, and that you're going to some party on your first night so I'm afraid it's hardly a leap to assume education isn't your top priority."

Shepard faltered for a moment. Okay, she had not made the best first impression on such a big day but she failed to see why she had to answer to Miranda.

"I'm not going to any party." Shepard denied, with an feigned air of superiority.

"Really?" Miranda questioned again, smug.

"Nope, I'm staying right here all night to get a head start on my reading." Shepard said loftily and then added at Miranda's unimpressed face. "Yes, really."

"Looks like you're about to get ready to go out." Miranda observed, amused.

"Nope, I'm just not afraid of the concept of regular showers." Shepard retorted.

"Mature." Miranda snapped.

Shepard went to her room quickly, pulled out some books and sat on the couch opening them up and getting her pen to make notes.

"You're staying?" Miranda asked sceptically.

"Like I said, don't assume you know everything about everyone."

Miranda threw her a dark look and slammed her bedroom door behind her. Shepard now cursed herself. She'd managed to blow off her plans all night just to prove Miranda wrong. Maybe Miranda did have a point about her maturity...

Oh well, she'd just have to chat to Sam tomorrow. If she even wanted to, she pondered. She just knew she shouldn't have told Joker about what happened with Kelly.


	4. Getting To Know You

Miranda didn't know why she let Shepard bother her so much, only accepting that the girl was beyond infuriating. Her friends were just as annoying. They'd called out to her in a corridor after class and she was mortified to once again find herself associated with the bunch. She'd coolly nodded in their direction but as she walked by she heard the one called Joker make a comment about Shepard and that drip Kelly. She had to admit Shepard was surprising her with her boldness. She was not what she expected.

The week had taken yet another exasperating turn as Jacob seemed insistent upon being the world's nicest guy and befriending Shepard, although clearly she was too popular for her own good. They'd started going running together first thing on a morning with that James Vega and Ashley Williams. Alenko sometimes joined them so Miranda didn't wonder too much if perhaps it was a new couples' retreat.

She was rarely jealous for Jacob was always earnest and their relationship was relatively light and easy. It had been awkward getting together at first. He'd made his feelings clear very early on but Miranda didn't do attachments. After the first year of college together she'd finally grown quite used to his company so the transition into a relationship felt smooth by that point. They spent a lot of time together, he was gorgeous, she liked and respected him but while he was intense with his feelings on occasion Miranda had never truly felt a great passion. She had never yet told him she loved him and she was beginning to wonder if he was starting to question just what was holding her back. The relationship suited her so selfishly, she rarely questioned what was going on with his thoughts with it. She just hoped things would stay as they were as she had grown accustomed to.

Jacob was not the only one making an effort with Shepard. Perhaps it was because Maya felt Shepard wasn't someone she could easily bully or she had noticed how popular Shepard was so quickly but Maya had shifted tactics and had tried to make Shepard her new friend, offering to show her to all the best bars and introduce her to the hottest guys. It had not gone well. Shepard had blown her off with a secret jibe at Miranda saying that she was far too busy with her college reading to waste her time partying, and then added a dig about not liking the way Maya treated people. Maya just stared coldly at her and Miranda was sure that there would be more to come. Few ever stood up to Maya or turned her down; she lacked her own talent but she was immensely good at attracting people to do the dirty work for her. Shepard didn't seem the least bit phased though. Any sort of conflict just bounced right off her.

On the Sunday of the first week back, Miranda found herself pouring over her notes and books as she already had her first test of the new academic year which was to take place tomorrow morning. The first tests were always just to assess how much information anyone had retained over the summer and to make pointless predictions about how their work should progress but Miranda treated it as seriously as a final exam, even though she rarely needed to put in serious revision effort.

At seven that evening she heard a knock at the door and sighing irritably, went to see who could possibly be asinine enough to interrupt her- she really should have known before she opened the door.

"What do you want?" Miranda asked impatiently.

"I know you're studying," and Shepard held up her hands apologetically, "but I just wondered if you wanted any dinner as you've not been out of your room all day. It's salmon too- read somewhere fish was good for the brain."

"You should make it more often then." Miranda quipped but with less severity to her tone as she appreciated the unexpected thought that Shepard had gone too.

"I'm a good cook too so don't worry about poisoning." Shepard laughed after a minute seeing Miranda's hesitation.

Miranda relented and sat at the kitchen bench while Shepard served her a plate.

"Is there any for Maya?" Miranda asked, a smile creeping onto her lips.

"Do I look like her servant?" Shepard asked.

"So does that make you mine then?" Miranda teased.

"Obviously," Shepard said solemnly, "you're loads more scary."

And Miranda laughed.

"I thought you'd be out tonight." Miranda commented, tucking into her meal which she was surprised at how tasty it was- Shepard obviously was used to looking after herself.

"I was out all day with Sam so figured I'd head back and catch up on some work." Shepard shrugged.

The image of a rather shy and awkward girl came to mind.

"Is Sam the one with short brown hair?" Miranda asked Shepard who nodded. "Are you two together?"

"Just friends." Shepard remarked between forkfuls of food.

Miranda didn't really know how to comment on Shepard's social life so decided to avoid the subject. It seemed too full of drama anyway.

"What do you think of the college then?" Miranda asked, changing the subject.

"It's..." Shepard fell silent at trying to find the right word.

"Pretentious?" Miranda helped.

"Yeah," Shepard nodded theatrically in agreement.

"You get used to it." Miranda shrugged.

"Loads of people are jerks here, so full of themselves." Shepard said after a while.

"It is a competitive environment." Miranda conceded. "The dean expects a lot from us."

"The Illusive Man who is never involved at all." Shepard remarked.

"Yeah, the nickname isn't the greatest." Miranda noted.

"Even that is very smug. The most inventive nickname in my neighbourhood used to be 'prick'. Simple and to the point is always the best way". Shepard joked.

"Where are you from?" Miranda asked.

"Here, well not this rich part of the city. My parents were killed a year ago by this gang called the batarians - yeah, another stupid name- so I was living with my aunt Karin Chakwas before I got my scholarship." Shepard answered.

"I'm sorry..." Miranda responded feeling quite pathetic as she was useless at these personal situations but Shepard merely shrugged seemingly unruffled.

"What about you?" Shepard asked.

Shepard had been kind enough to answer her awkward question so she felt she ought to do the same.

"Sydney originally. I left my father's home years ago though for my friend's- Niket- who lives in the city. My father was...very controlling...and in the end neither of us wanted to be around each other so I left." Miranda explained.

"Does Niket visit you here?" Shepard asked.

"No, he didn't go to college. He moved away for a sales job but we still keep in touch." Miranda answered.

"He sounds like a good friend." Shepard remarked carefully.

"He is." Miranda admitted; there had been few people she ever trusted and Niket was definitely one of them.

Miranda was taken aback at how she didn't mind answering Shepard's questions. The young woman invited you to talk freely and openly with her and it was remarkably easy. She made little judgements but took everything in with an open mind and heart. Miranda had endured many taunts about leaving her rich father but Shepard seemed to admire the act.

She didn't particularly want the conversation to stop but typically Maya chose to make her entrance, with a group of friends including the insufferable Ken who always made comments about Miranda's clothes and body. Maya announced she wanted a party in the dorm to celebrate the end of the first week but Miranda knew better than to fight it with people already here. It would just mean Maya would cause a drama and completely ruin any chance she had of getting work done. Retreating to her room was the only option; she'd make sure to pay back Maya later in the year. She said a fairly awkward good night to Shepard who seemed disappointed by this interruption and left to try to get some work done and block out the sounds of the God awful dance music coming from the other room.


	5. Winners and Losers

On a chilly Friday afternoon, where everything signalled winter would creep in early this year, Shepard was suffering the cold to engage in a game of chess with Sam who seemed impervious to the weather despite her delicate form. They were sat on one of the benches just outside the main hall of the college. It was peaceful there to do their own thing while students walked by every so often chattering away. There were great sycamores scattered around which just overemphasised that even the fields and parks in this place had to be lavish.

Shepard had found herself reluctantly asking Sam out a few weeks ago, and they'd almost been together ever since. It was late September now and still early in the year. They were aolmost together as Shepard didn't quite know where they stood as there had never been any discussions on exclusivity. Shepard didn't care to be with anybody else and nor did she want to rush things. She'd been downright resistant to the idea of any relationships just mere weeks ago but with Sam everything just felt nice. It didn't feel like a big commitment, just hanging out with someone who made her feel good.

When Shepard had first went to hang out with Sam in her dorm she was worried that keeping it so casual would mean Sam wouldn't think she was interested but she'd appreciated the fact that Shepard had been so thoughtful as to ask to play chess together and a few hours later, somehow they ended up in a shower together.

Joker had been delighted at the pairing. He'd found Kelly extremely irritating and he thought Sam was a laugh. He had given a bemused Shepard a warning not to cause any drama for this group of new firm friends.

They rarely had classes together but they went to the bars together or else hung out and played video games whenever they could. It was an odd sort of group but it worked. Steve and James provided back and forth banter, with Ash putting James in his place every so often. Sam was just grateful to among this new group of friends, Joker was the wit and Alenko was just nice and so laid back. It just worked. There was never any drama or gossip, just the fun of hanging out together.

Shepard thought long and hard but finally got bored of thinking at all so just moved her knight to take Sam's bishop and found the girl opposite smirking.

"If I win," Shepard started slowly.

"Like that's going to happen." Sam replied, quickly taking Shepard's knight with her queen.

"There's always a chance," Shepard argued, "but if I do, does that mean we can do what we did this morning only...the other way around?"

"I think that's more fitting if you lose." Sam teased.

"Suddenly my competitive streak has just melted away." Shepard joked, shivering.

"Are you cold?" Sam asked quickly.

"No." Shepard brushed off.

"You're shivering, Shepard." Sam pointed out.

"I do that when I'm excited about losing." Shepard smirked.

"Come on, we'll go to your dorm." Sam offered.

"Why not yours?" Shepard asked and Sam gave her a hard stare and then she remembered Kelly lived with them. "Oh, okay, my dorm it is."

They packed up the chess set and headed to finish the game in Shepard's dorm, only to find Miranda reading on the couch.

"Hi," Sam said brightly at seeing her and Miranda looked her up and down before saying a stiff 'hello'.

"No Jacob?" Shepard asked her, placing Sam's chess set on the table in front of the couch and settling around it to Miranda's clear irritation.

"He's right there. You've just sat on him." She replied sarcastically.

"Ha, ha, ha." Shepard responded darkly. "Where's Maya?"

"With Ken and Gabby; the Alliance bar is doing two shots for the price of one." Miranda scoffed.

"Should have known. " Shepard muttered and Sam sat on the floor next to Shepard quietly and most intimidated by Miranda at which Shepard smiled. "You two have met before, right?"

"Briefly." Sam said, almost apologetically and Miranda just carried on reading her book.

Shepard didn't really see how she could ask Miranda to get lost in a polite manner and one which wouldn't make Same feel guilty. Besides, she got the impression Miranda absolutely delighted in making Shepard's life as annoying as possible and Shepard found (to her immense irritation) that Miranda was quite good at it.

Shepard quickly lost the game to Sam although they played almost silently. Every Shepard tried to make conversation Sam would blush and either knock one of her pieces over or seem to lose the ability to talk. Shepard knew Sam's social anxiety sometimes got the better of her but she was now fine with their group of friends- she cursed Miranda for not being more inviting and for making things as awkward as possible.

Once the game was over, Shepard made to invite Sam to her bedroom for some time alone to hang out and talk but Sam quickly made excuses to leave before Shepard could think of a way of phrasing it so it didn't sound like she just wanted sex after losing. As soon as the door closed she rounded on Miranda.

"What did you do that for?" Shepard demanded.

"Do what?" Miranda put her book down for the first time, looking thoroughly baffled.

"You could have made an effort!" Shepard answered, exasperated.

"Why?" Miranda asked perplexed.

"Why? Because- because- it's Sam!" Shepard spluttered.

"Well, that clears that up." Miranda smirked.

"Fine, you win." Shepard shouted dramatically. "I always make an effort with Jacob, always."

"I didn't ask you to." Miranda replied completely uninterested.

"I-I-it's called being polite!" Shepard snapped.

"Did I disrupt your game?" Miranda asked turning to stare at Shepard with those sharp blue eyes,

"Well, no." Shepard admitted.

"Did I say anything mean or anything that wasn't strictly polite to her?"

"No." Shepard conceded, annoyed.

"Then I fail to see what you're upset about."

Shepard let out a groan of frustration.

"Fine." Shepard said, throwing her arms up in the air in defeat and now being the one to slam the door to her bedroom this time.


	6. Second Chances

Miranda paced around her room. She knew she should be at her pathogen lecture but she couldn't settle. She was so torn not knowing what to do that she couldn't even take a seat. She knew Jacob would hear about her absence through Maya but she didn't care about praise in class right now. Predictably, it was Shepard's sudden presence in the dorm that broke her thoughts.

"Forgot my damn books." Shepard said rushing to her room and then paused at the sight of Miranda pacing. "What are you doing here? You have your lecture now."

Miranda stopped pacing for a second and felt completely lost. She wanted to talk to someone but she absolutely didn't because she never ever did. Shepard walked forwards and she could feel the younger woman's gaze.

"What's happened?" Shepard asked quietly, reading the stress on Miranda's face.

Miranda croaked it out reluctantly, desperate not to show any weakness to anybody least of all Shepard.

"My father..."

"What has he done to you?" Shepard asked sharply.

"No, nothing like that. He's dying." Miranda admitted and she felt a sick desire to laugh; she hated that man but she was also scared as she could soon be free and she didn't know what that would mean. "I got a call from a hospital in New York. He's only got a couple of days; he's in heart failure- I didn't even know he had one."

"I'm ...sorry..." Shepard offered.

"I'm not." Miranda asserted.

"So what's wrong?" Shepard asked kindly, touching Miranda's arm which was crossed severely across her chest and Miranda relaxed slightly.

"I think I want to go...I need to know that it's finished and that it's over." Miranda confessed but she was ashamed at the fear she felt.

"Then let's go." Shepard said quickly.

"What?" Miranda asked, certain Shepard was mocking her.

"I'll come with you-if you like, that is. We can get a flight out now. We're only half an hour away from the airport and this is New York. It won't take long. We'll be there by the end of the day." Shepard assured her.

"You'd come?" Miranda repeated but it wasn't in her condescending tone she usually reserved for Shepard but amazement; she'd been so sharp with Shepard yet here she was offering support.

"Well, I've never seen New York." Shepard brushed off.

"Shepard-" Miranda started, not even knowing what to say.

"Come on." Shepard urged gently and so they ran to their rooms to pack.

* * *

On the plane Miranda wondered what on earth had possessed her to bring Shepard along, before she realised Shepard had rather invited herself. She was annoyed at how comfortable she felt in her presence but she was at a loss as to explain this twist in fate to Jacob. She'd left him a quick text before she got on the flight but she didn't know if she dared turn her phone on again to even check his response.

Shepard had been nothing but kind, and incredibly irritating. Within half an hour of the flight she'd flirted with some blonde when her bag nearly fell from the compartment and hit Shepard's head.

"Don't worry, there's nothing of value in there." Shepard replied smoothly.

"Oh, but my mother's present is." The blonde in her twenties replied in confusion.

"No, I meant my head." Shepard replied with a cheeky wink before she joined Miranda, leaving the woman slightly flustered.

"Do you have to flirt with everyone?" Miranda muttered through grated teeth.

"I've never flirted with Maya." Shepard said thoughtfully.

"I'd love to see you try." Miranda joked.

"Couldn't make things any worse." Shepard said fairly.

"No, but I don't suppose Sam would like it." Miranda responded and found herself curious as to what Shepard's silence meant.

* * *

Miranda felt that she should at least make sure they got to stay in a decent hotel after Shepard had been so surprisingly thoughtful as to come along and offer her support. They went straight there from the airport in a yellow cab (which Shepard was delighted at) but the second they arrived to wash up before going to the hospital, Miranda found herself begging Shepard to just let her stay there.

Miranda was scared of him, not because he was dying but because he wasn't gone yet. She knew it sounded cruel when she said it to Shepard but Shepard didn't seem the least bit abashed. She understood just how much her father had hurt her but Shepard had soothed her reminding her that if she didn't go she would never really be free so they finally made their way to the hospital.

As soon as Miranda sat by that miserable man's bedside she didn't understand how she could possibly leave while he was still living. She needed to see. She needed to know. He didn't have any tubes down his throat or nose- she assumed he must have signed an order so that no heroic measures were taken- and his breathing was in short and rapid gasps. He wasn't conscious and looked paler than she had ever seen him and so skinny it was as though he was withering away.

The predictions had been wrong: Henry Lawson died at 4.30am the next day, he had not made it even twenty four hours since the phone call Miranda had received. Once she emerged from the room she was stunned to see Shepard waiting in the corridor for her all this time. Truth be told, she had forgotten about Shepard all together but here she was.

She felt tears run down her face in a rush of emotions- fear, liberation, exhilaration, sadness and joy- and Shepard wordlessly got up from her seat and hugged Miranda who cried into her shoulder without restraint. Shepard practically guided Miranda out of the hospital and to her hotel room. Miranda was too exhausted to really process everything. It had all been too much and demanded too much of her but she trusted in Shepard to make sure she was safe. It was around an hour later when she felt a pillow beneath her head that sleep engulfed her.

* * *

Miranda had been woken rather abruptly by Shepard bursting into her room at lunch time with a bag of bagels and some steaming coffee which she readily accepted.

"I'll check when the next flights are." She said groggily to Shepard who didn't look any worse for wear despite their late night.

"Erm," Shepard started reluctantly.

"What is it?" Miranda asked, grabbing a bit of bagel.

"Well, if you want to get back to reality after all of this then I understand completely," Shepard said in a rushed voice, "but this is New York. It's already Friday we could fly back Sunday and be ready for classes on Monday."

"What would we do?" Miranda asked Shepard slowly.

"Tourist things." Shepard grinned and Miranda groaned.

"Really? That's what you want to do?" Miranda asked, rolling her eyes.

"There's always broad way for the more cultured one of us." Shepard teased. "The Lion King is meant to be on."

"Oh yeah, that's high culture indeed." Miranda scoffed.

"It's just a bit of fun." Shepard offered tenderly and Miranda found herself agreeing.

* * *

Shepard had somehow snagged them Lion King tickets for the Saturday night- Miranda assumed she must have begged, borrowed and stolen to get them at this short notice. In the meantime, they went to Times Square, Shepard bought roller blades for when they went through Central Park and then they danced the night away at some salsa club in New York City.

Shepard seemed to know that Miranda just needed to get outside of herself for a bit. The things they were doing were completely ridiculous and Miranda laughed at Shepard's awful dancing at the club but it was with Shepard that she was able to truly feel free now. Her father didn't hang over and she was thoroughly enjoying herself. After the club on the Friday they had been too excited to get much sleep so had stayed up chatting and eating copious amounts of junk food.

Miranda had learned far more of Shepard's life than she had ever expected, including the gruesome details of the deaths of Shepard's parents. Miranda had expected someone who went through such tragedy to be marked in some way but Shepard shirked any narrow definitions in life. It was a tragedy what she went through but it didn't limit her. She carried it around every day but in a way which made her more stronger and she'd learned to love life so much more intensely because of those things whereas Miranda now recognised she'd been retreating from life for so many years.

Shepard took her shopping in Manhattan on the Saturday afternoon but that had been a joke. Neither of them could afford the ambitious prices but in a quiet corner of the city Miranda had managed to find a red dress for the Broadway show that evening. Shepard had been coy about everything she was buying which only made Miranda feel absolute dread and with good reason as she discovered when she knocked on Shepard's hotel room door that evening.

Miranda literally stood with her mouth hanging open to Shepard's utter joy. Shepard had styled her hair wildly into a mane and the effect worked well given the deep red of it. She had also painted her face into that of a lion and was wearing a lion onesie. Her hands had also been painted and Shepard had even given herself claws. Miranda stood gobsmacked.

"We-I-You can't go out like that." She hissed when she finally managed to regain control.

"Course I can." Shepard shrugged off. "I'm just getting into the theme."

"This isn't a costume party!"

"Loads of people will be dressed up." Shepard replied nonchalantly.

"Yes," Miranda snapped impatiently, "actors."

"Then maybe I'll finally make my stage debut. You look nice, by the way." Shepard said smiling, closing her hotel room door behind her and giving Miranda a soft smile and for some inexplicable reason Miranda felt her a flutter in the pit of her stomach.

"Thank you." She said hesitantly, looking Shepard up and down, "we-"

"Look, did we stay here to have fun or did we stay here to have fun?" Shepard asked commandingly.

"I'd have more fun if our seats weren't together." Miranda groaned, although with a trace of a smile.

"Count your blessings." Shepard said sombrely. "I could have gone as a warthog and those things are really ugly."

* * *

Miranda had to concede that Shepard had been right about a lot of things on this trip. She'd been alarmed and yet amused when she found Shepard had tears in her eyes during the very first song when every animal had came down the aisles and gone on stage. She really was like an overgrown child, Miranda mused. She laughed and cheered with the crowd and Shepard's outfit won many admirers who loved how involved she had gotten into the show. Even the actors at the end applauded her and Shepard stood on her seat and bowed to the entire theatre, and Miranda laughed along with everybody around.

The next morning had been a sluggish affair and Miranda knew it was her fault; she just didn't want to go. It took her an age to pack and they barely checked out in time. The flight back went far too quickly and it didn't seem possible that they should be landing so soon. As they made to leave the train, Shepard gently put an arm on Miranda who turned to face her.

"Are you okay?" Shepard asked seriously.

"I am - thanks to you." Miranda admitted and felt genuine happiness at the smile Shepard gave her.

"Back to reality then." Shepard said, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Back to reality." Miranda whispered in repetition and in reluctance.


	7. Unknown

"So let me get this straight," Ash started sceptically, as Shepard and her slowed down from their run in the local park, "you've organised a Halloween party on your entire floor but you haven't actually asked your room mates if your dorm can be open to everyone too?"

"I asked Maya. She was up for it. She'd do anything for a bit of attention." Shepard replied cheerfully.

"I think you're forgetting someone." Ash pointed out.

"I'm going to ask her tonight. It's still a week away." Shepard reasoned. "We've been getting on okay lately anyway so she might just agree."

"Well, you did jet off to New York with her." Ash retorted with a smirk.

"It wasn't a holiday." Shepard replied indignantly.

"I know," Ashley sighed, "but you're still lucky Sam's so nice."

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked frowning.

"You went away for the weekend with another girl." Ash said as though Shepard was the most oblivious person in the world.

"Oh come on," Shepard laughed, "Miranda Lawson is the straightest woman I've ever met...I think."

Shepard frowned for a moment puzzled, she'd never really asked Miranda if she liked women too and couldn't ever remember her bringing it up.

"I'm just saying that you might want to make things official with Sam." Ash suggested delicately.

"You think she wants that?" Shepard asked to Ash who laughed in amazement.

"Shepard, she's smitten!"

"Oh..." Shepard trailed off, thinking that maybe she was oblivious. "I'll ask her at the party then."

"Let's hope it happens then." Ash quipped, pushing Shepard playfully and running off with the red head chasing.

* * *

At nine that night Shepard finally plucked up the nerve to knock on Miranda's bedroom door. She'd thought for hours about how on earth she would talk Miranda into a party but then figured the direct approach was best - mostly because Miranda would see through anything else. She'd waited until Miranda had gotten back from her date with Jacob. She'd totally forgotten they went out every Thursday night and thought it might scupper her plans- Jacob might side with her but that was only if she got a chance to ask if the mood wasn't overly romantic but Miranda had sent Jacob on his way fairly early.

Miranda opened the door and raised an eyebrow at Shepard curiously, moving aside and sitting on her bed and allowing Shepard to close the door and join her.

Shepard shifted nervously on her bed and looked round the room. There was no decoration whatsoever, not even a photo.

"You room is kind of empty." Shepard remarked.

"No distractions." Miranda whispered playfully- her attitude towards Shepard had been far more relaxed since the trip.

"Jacob couldn't stay?" Shepard asked curiously.

"I've got an early start tomorrow and didn't really fancy it." Miranda explained, then she tilted her head to gaze at Shepard and smiled knowingly. "What do you want?"

"Nothing...can't I visit my friend?" Shepard asked innocently.

"What do you want?" Miranda repeated amused.

"Okay then, now, I know you don't like people much but Halloween is my absolute favourite holiday, after Christmas and my birthday, and I thought that we could open the dorm as the corridor is having a party?" Shepard said all of this in a bit of a rush as though saying it quicker would give Miranda less time to process what she's saying.

"Fine then." Miranda sighed.

"Wait, what?" Asked Shepard startled.

"God forbid I ever stand in your way of you playing dress up." Miranda teased.

"And you'll come?" Shepard asked eagerly.

"If I must." She smiled. "You need to ask Maya first though."

"Oh, I did days ago," Shepard answered and then in response to Miranda's questioning look added, "I said you were more scary."

* * *

The party was in full swing on the Friday night, over a week later and even Miranda had dressed up, although she was in a white dress and didn't look much different but she told people she was a gothic queen. Shepard suspected this was just to shut them up and that she chose her outfit simply because she wanted an excuse to wear it. Shepard had to admit that she looked good. Alenko, Vega and Cortez made an impressive pack of werewolves, Sam was a stunning vampire although her giggles and overly polite nature meant she could never been found scary, Ash came as the undead and Joker came predictably as The Joker.

The entire floor had opened their doors to let college revellers pass through which meant that nowhere got too crowded although everyone was definitely making the most of the free night. After an hour or so, Shepard motioned Sam to follow her out into the corridor and just out of earshot of everybody else.

"Enjoying the party?" Shepard asked.

"It's brilliant!" Sam replied but when Shepard gave her the steady share she relented. "Okay, it's a bit weird for me but I am enjoying it, really."

Shepard visibly relaxed at this: she'd been a bit worried about Sam but she seemed to be doing well with her social anxiety most days. She understood if Sam wanted to call it a night early though. She'd never put any pressure on her.

"I did want to talk to you about something..." Shepard started awkwardly not knowing how to phrase it.

"Oh..." Sam looked panic stricken.

"Oh no, it's nothing bad," Shepard rushed quickly. "Just these last couple of months have been great."

"Really great." Sam admitted.

"So...are we exclusive?" Shepard asked carefully.

"If you want." Sam replied, clearly failing to fight a smile.

"Sure." Shepard nodded, and she kissed Sam tenderly.

"Hey Shepard! You know you have a room, right?" Jacob shouted, walking over with Miranda who looked most uncomfortable.

Jacob had come as some sort of commander and seemed to be a little merry on the punch already.

"Hey," Sam said greeting them and Miranda merely forced a smile.

"You sure know how to throw a party, Shepard." Jacob commented.

"It was Vega who end up sorting most of this. He is unstoppable that one." Shepard remarked.

"Yeah, I noticed on our runs. Tough son of a bitch." Jacob said in awe and then he turned more to Sam. "So are you two together now?"

Miranda sighed as if to say she was bored.

"Yeah, we are." Sam grinned and Shepard was annoyed at the look Miranda threw Sam as though taunting.

"We should double date." Jacob suggested earnestly.

"That would be lovely!" Sam replied honestly and Miranda seemed to bite back a smile.

"We should go find Joker, make sure he didn't vomit in my room like he said he would." Shepard said quickly, taking Sam's hand to lead her away.

"Lovely." She heard Miranda say sarcastically and Shepard was getting fed up with her hot and cold routine.

By midnight quite a few had left, either for the Alliance bar down the road or to collapse in their own dorms so the flow between the dorms started to thin. Shepard was glad, she was enjoying herself but mostly because of her own group of friends. Her head was starting to feel thick after a few glasses of punch and she peeled herself away from Sam and Alenko who had for some inexplicable reason started talking about bio mechanics.

Shepard walked out through the doors of the entrance to their hall to lean against the railings and get some air. It was fairly chilly but pleasant after the stuffiness of the building. She turned when the door behind her opened, to see Miranda coming to join her.

"Not in the party spirit anymore?" She asked quietly.

"It was too hot in there." Shepard complained and Miranda smiled, leaning next to her on the railing and before Shepard could help herself she blurted out something that had annoyed her for weeks. "Why are you only like this with me?"

"Like what?" Miranda asked in that oh so familiar cocky smile.

Shepard struggled to find the right word. She was polite with almost everyone, nice to a few but always distant.

"Oh never mind." Shepard sighed, wondering why it even mattered to her.

"I didn't know you and Sam were exclusive now." She said after a moment.

"I asked her tonight." Shepard said simply.

"I didn't think you wanted a relationship." Miranda admitted.

"I didn't ...but Sam's kind. It feels easy with her." Shepard responded heavily, wishing she hadn't tried that damn punch Vega had made.

"I guess I'll get to know her more on this double date." Miranda replied, staring out into the campus.

"You'll like her." Shepard insisted. "She's almost as smart as you."

"Maybe." Miranda whispered.

"Do you love Jacob?"

Shepard had no idea where the hell that had come from only that she wished she hadn't asked and for some reason her heart was pounding at the response. Miranda didn't look at her and seemed to stiffen for a moment before finally saying 'yes'.

Shepard felt a weight fall in her chest and she didn't want to know why, just hoping it was a really early start to a hangover.

"He's a good guy." She said steadily.

"He is." Miranda said, quieter still.

Shepard took a deep breath to try to bring her to her sense before speaking again.

"You want to go back inside?" Shepard asked, feigning a shiver.

Miranda nodded and followed her in but Shepard parted for her friends as soon as she could. She joined them in her dorm as they sat round the table and Shepard laughed at Joker when everyone else did, not taking in what he was really saying. She knew Miranda's eyes were on her from the doorway but when she looked round her friend was gone again.


	8. The Worst Ideas

Miranda was still up at six the next morning, partly to get some early reading done but also to enjoy the quiet of the dorm. It had been more peaceful lately anyway; Maya had started seeing some rich student Kai Leng who had his own apartment across town and she stayed there most nights, including last night after the party.

Shepard had stumbled to bed at around three that morning. Sam and Miranda had to both check on her as she'd decided to pick up the pace of her partying after their chat. Miranda didn't know why she had told Shepard she was in love with Jacob when she was still so unsure. She just knew that telling Shepard she wasn't in love with him would have felt like a betrayal of her boyfriend. She hoped Shepard wouldn't bring it up in conversation with him but given how drunk she had been Miranda wondered if she would even remember.

At noon, Miranda gently entered Shepard's room with a cup of coffee and Shepard immediately pulled the covers over her head.

"Oh go away." She groaned. "I look awful."

Miranda smiled at this rare bout of insecurity from Shepard. Apparently she was a mere mortal after all and she pulled the covers down from her friend. Shepard did look tired but she was still has beautiful as ever, slightly pale and maybe a little clammy but somehow her green eyes looked as bright as ever. Miranda couldn't help noticing just how tight Shepard's t shirt was across her slim yet toned frame.

"Thanks for the coffee." Shepard said, taking a sip.

"Thought you might need it." Miranda said kindly.

Shepard only nodded.

"I didn't do anything awfully embarrassing last night, did I?" Shepard asked, scared.

"Nothing out of the ordinary for you." Miranda mocked lightly.

"Good."

"Jacob wants us to go out tomorrow night." Miranda said, with great reluctance after a moment.

"Me and you?" Shepard asked, puzzled.

"And him and Sam." Miranda said slowly and dramatically, rolling her eyes and then added at Shepard's look of complete incomprehension, "The double date."

"Oh. That." Shepard said.

"Yes, that."

Miranda couldn't refrain from being curious about why Shepard seemed as enthusiastic as her about this plan.

"So where are we going?" Shepard asked, taking another sip of coffee.

"The Citadel"

Shepard groaned.

"Not your scene?" Miranda asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"What do you think?" Shepard shot back, mildly amused.

Miranda knew Shepard would hate it. It was overpriced, pretentious and the clientele was often dismissive of students. It was also somewhere Jacob idolised as so many local business men and women went there. That sort of charm and glamour was lost on Shepard.

Miranda was also worried, both Shepard and Sam had won scholarships and she didn't want to bankrupt the pair of them over one meal.

"Shepard," she began, delicately, "will you be able to- I mean, it is quite expensive-"

Shepard laughed, cutting her off.

"I can afford it Miranda." Shepard shot, and then added. "I might stick to the salad though."

"I thought you might have wanted their bloody veal steak. You can even see the veins-" Miranda mocked.

"Ugh, God, don't" Shepard said, grimacing and trying not to be sick.

* * *

The meal would have been excruciatingly awkward had Jacob paid the slightest bit of attention but he just kept chatting away mostly to Sam. Every so often Shepard gave the place an uncomfortable glance as though she wished the ground would swallow her up or that she'd magically turn invisible. She was struck with such a sudden bout of shyness that she couldn't even look the waiter in the eye. This both endeared Miranda and made her impatient; as far as she was concerned Shepard needn't be intimidated by anyone.

Miranda had thought this would have the same impact on Sam, who was always quite nervous but she had been wrong. Sam was the life and soul rather than Shepard. She was positively in awe of Jacob as his easy charm won her over. She also revelled in this environment where everybody was so polite and refined. She was also all over Shepard. Miranda felt aggrieved that Sam had not noticed how out of place Shepard felt here and thought that such public displays of affection were showing off. Really, couldn't she keep her hands off Shepard for at least five minutes?

"I could get used to coming here." Sam laughed.

"You might need to trade me in for somebody richer." Shepard said, scanning the desert menu glumly.

"Says the journalist already top of all of her classes." Sam replied cheerfully.

"You are?"

Miranda could have kicked herself for how surprised she sounded and clearly Shepard had noticed.

"Wonders will never cease." Shepard smirked.

"Nice going, Shepard. Guess that can be our toast!" Jacob chipped in and Miranda and Shepard shot each other glances of despair- he'd made five toasts already.

* * *

It was two hours later that they finally left the restaurant. Miranda quite honestly needed a break from Jacob after another two toasts and he'd gotten quite drunk on one of the most expensive white wines. Shepard seemed not to be feeling in the mood either; she'd grown steadily quieter as the night wore on although it went unnoticed by the rest of the merry band.

The four of them grabbed a cab to the west side of the campus where Jacob and Sam both resided. Miranda made her excuses about needing an early night and she heard Shepard do the same so as Jacob and Sam disappeared inside Miranda was left with Shepard.

"Well, that was..." Shepard started.

"Bloody awful." Miranda responded bluntly and Shepard laughed.

"Thank God I didn't have to say it." Shepard joked. "So you want to head back?"

"No," said Miranda, walking backwards with her eyebrows raised at Shepard.

She did not want to end the night like this and she thought her and Shepard were entitled to a little fun.

"Where are we going?" Shepard asked, smiling slightly but slowly following Miranda.

"The Dark Star lounge of course."

"I like the way you think, Miss Lawson."

* * *

The Dark Star Lounge was nice inside, spacious and cleans and it had the feel of a rather uptown nightclub but it wasn't overpriced and given its lack of thrills or cheap drink deals there were few students in. There were tables all along the outside but a dance area at the far end of the bar where a couple of dozen or so revellers were partying. It was a quieter scene but still plenty of fun.

Shepard brought over two enormous cocktails to their table and both glasses had half a kiwi sticking out of them.

"What are those?" Asked Miranda, in amusement and awe.

"Not a clue." Shepard said happily, sitting down.

"I suppose even these couldn't make your dancing worse." Miranda teased.

"I wish I could argue with that." Shepard grimaced.

"You have other skills," Miranda said, taking pity on her as Shepard still seemed somewhat dejected from their evening but when Shepard smiled in such a knowing way Miranda added, "don't you even go there."

Shepard pulled a face.

"You are no fun." Shepard sighed.

"I don't think Sam would like you flirting with everything in sight." Miranda pointed out.

"You are one person and you were the one who dragged me out here. I love how I get made to look bad just because you're a girl when Jacob wouldn't care that you're with me." Shepard replied indignantly.

Shepard responded more forcefully than Miranda would have expected for the girl who always made a joke out of any situation.

"Has Sam said something?" Miranda asked.

"No, just Ash was going on days ago about the trip to New York and what would Sam think." Shepard said, pulling the same revolted face again.

"There's nothing going on." Miranda said quickly, feeling her pulse quicken.

"I know," Shepard sighed nonchalantly, "everything has to be such a drama at college- but this place I like. No hang ups. Just people having fun...and lots of fun on that dance floor..."

Miranda rolled her eyes.

"Oh fine, come on then." She relented.

They danced for about forty minutes to the loud but constant dance music which had such a strong bass. She found Shepard's dancing was actually worse the more sober she was but she had no intention of carrying the younger woman to the dorm and her bed so they took it easy on the drinks.

At midnight, Miranda pleaded for a break from the dance floor and they made for the only empty cushioned joining seats at the table, having to sit side by side as a couple of guys opposite them made out as if the world was about to end. Shepard shot Miranda a look and they both struggled not to break down into giggles.

"Bet you wish you brought Sam now." Miranda said in a low voice.

"And miss out on your company? Never." Shepard responded playfully.

Miranda tried to ignore the fact her thigh kept brushing against Shepard's knee as she turned to face her friend where they sat. Shepard looked good tonight with her long, thick red hair falling gracefully over her shoulders and her sparkling dark green dress brought out her eyes yet still more fully.

There was something in this charged moment that told Miranda she shouldn't be here, that she should have left with Jacob but she found herself edging closer in her seat next to Shepard, longing for the night to continue.

"Strange as I really did hate you at first." Miranda said gently.

"You don't now? Progress." Muttered Shepard in an impressed voice.

"I just loathe you know." Miranda toyed.

"Love?" Shepard smirked.

"Loathe!" Miranda shouted to a laughing Shepard.

"Well, I still hate you." Shepard asserted, head resting in the palm of her hand and eyes sparkling.

"Really?" Miranda asked smugly.

"You annoy the life out of me." Shepard sighed, exasperated but still playing.

"Glad something is going right then..."

"Pretty sure you bring out the worst in me."

"There's a good side?" Miranda quipped.

"Sam says so."

Miranda sat back again, and put herself a few inches further from Shepard at Sam's name. Hearing Shepard talk about her so casually had shocked her and jumped her out of her revere. They were so completely together now that Sam was an attachment even to this night when she wasn't here. Shepard was always thinking about her, always considering her and Miranda couldn't stand it.

"Are you okay?" Shepard asked seriously when Miranda stayed silent.

"Just tired, let's head back." Miranda said, wishing she had another one of those ghastly cocktails to drink first.


	9. Christmas Spirit

November passed by in a blur of orange and yellow leaves and then at last December was finally upon them. It was Shepard's favourite time of year; she adored Christmas. She didn't care for any religion but she loved an excuse to put tinsel up and decorate the place. She begged Miranda for a week to let them get a Christmas tree until she finally gave in, if only to shut Shepard up.

Maya wasn't bothered at all. Shepard had seen her twice in the last month- she was practically living with Leng now not that either of the remaining house mates complained but Miranda noted it was odd that she was barely turning up to classes now either. Maya never missed a chance to have an audience and a college class guaranteed one of up to twenty.

On the first Saturday of the month, Shepard launched herself into Miranda's room and onto her bed waking the sleeping roommate with a shock.

"What the hell are you doing?" Miranda shouted, not enjoying this flying visit.

"Come on, come on! Christmas tree time!"

Miranda threw both her pillows at Shepard.

Two hours later and they were standing in a street, each holding the end of a very prickly pine tree and trying not to knock as many people off the side walk as possible. Shepard had wanted a fake tree as the idea of cutting down a fresh one (not to mention the pine needles) didn't appeal to her but they had nowhere to store it and Miranda absolutely stamped out Shepard's suggestion of just keeping the tree up all year.

"Another one of your brilliant plans." Miranda scathed as they pulled it down the street.

"I know, the apartment is going to look brilliant." Shepard was practically giddy at the thought.

* * *

They carried on for another fifty minutes, mostly laughing their heads off and at one point they engaged in a very strange tug-of-war with the tree. When they finally arrived back to their halls, it took twenty minutes to get it through the entrance and they prayed to God nobody would complain about the trail of pine needles left behind. It would be a miracle if this tree had any branches left.

Once they got inside their dorm there was yet another problem.

"It's a foot too big." Miranda said, hands on her hip and looking murderous at this point.

"The top can just lean over a bit." Shepard suggested.

"Then how will you put your hideous angel on top?" Miranda asked.

"Duct tape."

Miranda rolled her eyes.

"We're going to have to trim it." Miranda said finally.

"No way! We can't cut our tree!" Shepard protested.

"It's not going to hurt it!" Miranda shouted exasperated.

"You want to mutilate our tree!" Shepard repeated aghast.

"Shepard, you're being ridiculous." Miranda scolded.

"This tree was our tree. We chose it together after you made me reject about a dozen." Shepard pointed out.

"None of them were as pretty..." Miranda replied weakly.

"And so we walked for almost an hour and fought to get it through those damn doors and now you're quitting on me?" Shepard asked, indignant.

"Shepard, that's not going to work..." Miranda said flatly.

"You want to just cut our tree to pieces after all that effort." Shepard said, clutching her heart.

"That won't work." Miranda reiterated.

* * *

Another hour later and the tree was an explosion of colour, baubles hanging off every branch and tinsel draped up and down it in an assortment of glittering colours, and there was a rather ugly angel taped to the bent top branch with duct tape.

"Isn't it pretty?" Shepard asked, standing back in awe.

"No." Miranda answered honestly but Shepard knew there was a trace of pride in her voice.

Miranda had told her she'd never really celebrated Christmas before and Shepard was determined to make it the best yet for her. Nobody should miss out on Christmas, she reasoned. It had always been a big deal to Shepard's mother and her sister Karin and so Shepard thought she'd pass on the little ritual to Miranda.

Both of them collapsed onto the couch after the hard work.

"What are you doing for Christmas?" Shepard asked her.

"Staying here." Miranda shrugged. "You?"

"Visiting my aunt and Sam's coming, Joker too. If you want, you could come?" Shepard suggested tentatively.

"Me?" Miranda asked, turning her head to face Shepard with her eyes full of surprise.

Shepard shrugged.

"It will be fun. I know you and the others don't get on but I'd like you there. It would be cool of you to meet Chakwas." Shepard said.

"Why do you call her by her last name?" Miranda asked.

"Because she's a doctor." Shepard answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'll come then, thanks." Miranda said gently.

"No problem." Shepard sighed.

* * *

Shepard and Miranda spent most of the rest of the day in front of the television watching one of Miranda's ridiculous box sets. She had about a billion of them and Shepard hated them but she thought she'd be polite- plus, she was too tired to suggest anything else. Jacob came round that evening and so Shepard figured it would be a good time to depart for her room and catch up on reading, until soft music started emitting from Miranda's bedroom and she heard Miranda giggle softly.

Shepard's head shot up from her book at that sound. She did not under any circumstances want to hear that. The thought of it sent her into a panic. She didn't even grab her coat, she just left.

She didn't exactly know where she was going she just planned on putting as much distance between her and that as possible. She wished she could get the sound of Miranda laughing out of her head. She went up the stairs and carried on until the third floor and went to the fifth door on the left and knocked.

Kaidan opened the door and greeted Shepard with his usual intense smile.

"What's up, Shepard?" Kaidan asked, letting her in.

"Just wanted to catch up, buddy." Shepard answered not entirely truthfully but so glad to see him.

"Sure thing. How are things?" He asked, grabbing her a juice from his fridge as they settled on his sofa.

"Just finished getting the apartment ready for Christmas so pretty damn worn out."

Kaidan laughed.

"What about you?" She asked.

"Steve was here earlier, we were trying to level up on that Blasto game Joker is obsessed with." He sighed, shaking his head.

"Steve, huh?" Shepard gave him a little smirk.

"Yeah, yeah, Shepard." He laughed.

"Come on!" She urged. "He's a great guy!"

"Yeah, he is but I don't know...when I go for something I want to know that we've built something properly. I don't just want to rush into it. I want a real connection, something that just stands there resolute, you know what I mean?" He asked seriously.

"Yeah, I guess so..." she replied, contemplating.

"Like what you and Sam have got." He said after a while, jogging Shepard out of her thoughts.

"We didn't exactly hang about." Shepard admitted.

"No, but you two are solid together. You're as much friends as anything else and that's how it works." Kaidan asserted. "She said she was coming with you and Joker to meet your aunt."

"And Miranda." Shepard paused at the thought, not sure if she was now glad about this. "Why don't you come too?"

"Shepard, is your aunt going to have enough room for all of the people you're inviting?" Kaidan laughed.

"Of course, her new place is actually huge. My parents' place...not so much. Plus, there's only a few of us really and she lives alone. Vega and Ash are meeting her parents- good luck Vega as I hear her dad is pretty strict and Steve is off back to his family. So what do you say?"

"If you're sure," he said shyly.

"Of course I am- you're one of my best friends!" She laughed.

"Then great!" He enthused.

"Hey, Kaidan," she started, worried about how she sounded, "could I crash here tonight?"

"You just invited me over to your aunt's for a few days so I don't see why not." He joked.

"I don't want to put you out." Shepard said seriously.

"Hey, it's no bother. My dorm mates are out all night anyway. We can chill, order some pizza and you can get my score up on Blasto."

"Deal." Shepard grinned.


	10. Part Of The Family

Miranda was surprised when a few days before Christmas Shepard bounded into her room asking if she was ready to catch the train uptown with the others. She was all packed but Shepard had been mysteriously absent from the dorm for the last week. She figured her friend was just spending more time with her girlfriend but she missed her and slightly resented the fact Shepard had thrown so much effort into decorating their home if she wasn't even going to be here to enjoy it.

Miranda had said goodbye to Jacob yesterday as he was visiting his mother and step father. She had met Jacob's mother once and it did not go well. Jacob's mother wasn't exactly a fan of her, complaining that she was "far too arrogant". Miranda was glad that Jacob didn't invite her to visit but she also knew it was because he rarely got to see his mother. They'd been exceptionally close since his father ran out on them ten years ago and she didn't like to interrupt any precious time they got to spend together.

Shepard gathered the group together at the station for a photo- she was brimming with excitement at going back to see her aunt. The trip wasn't as insufferable as Miranda had expected. Joker wasn't half as obnoxious as usual (perhaps Shepard had told him to knock it off), Sam was quietly engaging and she found that Alenko was pleasantly interesting. He was a nice guy and seemed incredibly humble.

The train took over an hour and Shepard's aunt was waiting to greet them all. Karin did not look anything like Shepard, although Shepard whispered that they weren't actually related as Miranda threw her a puzzled look but Karin was her mother's best friend growing up. She was polite, crisp and direct and yet she had Shepard's same sense of fun and tried to race her van against Ferrari at a set of traffic lights. Miranda however was disappointed that even Karin wouldn't give away Shepard's first name.

Ten minutes later and they were pulling up on the drive of an extraordinary converted barn. It was two floors and was huge. Shepard must have had quite a shock coming to live here after being brought up in a small apartment, Miranda mused. There was also acres of land around and the house was surrounded by wonderful decking and even had a porch swing. It was elegant and charming and Miranda didn't have to try too hard to imagine an enthusiastic Shepard making the most of climbing trees and running about the place.

Karin put them all to work as she had saved the Christmas decorations for their arrival as she knew Shepard loved them so much. The first floor was open plan and so they all busied themselves at opposite ends of the house, shouting backwards and forwards to each other. Karin put on Christmas songs and Shepard danced wildly for a while until Karin told her to pack it in as she was making her get motion sickness.

"This place is gorgeous." Kaidan said to Miranda, as they hung tinsel around the lavish kitchen bench.

"It really is." Miranda agreed.

"Was your place like this growing up?" Kaidan asked and then added, "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."

"It's fine," Miranda said quickly as she did not want Shepard's friends to start treating her like she was an ice queen again, "not really. It was more modern and had three floors and I wasn't allowed to touch anything. This place is a real home."

"Hey, I need a hand!" Shepard shouted from the next room.

"Rocks, paper, scissors?" Kaidan suggested and Miranda found herself agreeing, only to lose and went to find Shepard in the hall up a pair of ladders and knotted in red tinsel.

"What are you doing?" Miranda laughed.

"What does it look like?" Shepard gasped, and then she got a mouth full of tinsel.

Miranda shook her head, laughing once more and climbed up the other side of the ladders.

"Come here," she said gently, freeing Shepard and smoothing her hair down, her fingers linger just a touch longer over her red hair than they strictly needed to.

"Thanks," Shepard grinned, "so...do you like it here?"

"It's brilliant." Miranda enthused, helping Shepard to hang the tinsels and baubles on the beams of wood.

"I used to love coming here as a kid. Karin is loads of fun too." Shepard said.

"Yeah, she seems really nice. She thinks the world of you." Miranda smiled.

"I know, I think it's because she fell off these ladders one Christmas- she's never been the same since." Shepard laughed.

"When will you ever learn to take a compliment?" Miranda asked, throwing a bit of tinsel at Shepard.

"Careful, Lawson," Shepard warned sternly, "just one little push..."

"Shepard, will you please stop threatening to murder our guests?" Karin said in exasperation as she entered. "Miranda, would you like to help me dig out some old decorations Shepard made when she was younger?"

"Oh no..." Shepard spluttered.

"I'd love too." Miranda replied, grinning wickedly at Shepard and jumping down the ladders.

"Wait...I need help!" Shepard called desperately but with absolutely no impact as the two didn't even glance back at her.

Miranda followed Karin upstairs to one of the drawing rooms and pulled out an old box from a chest of drawers. Karin opened it and it was filled with baubles with super heroes and aliens.

"What's a pyjak?" Miranda asked, inspecting the writing on one which had an animal that looked fairly similar to a lemur on it.

"I have no idea. Nobody ever really knew where Shepard's imagination was going." Karin said, smiling fondly.

"Not much has changed then." Miranda smiled back at her.

"I'm glad you were able to come, " Karin said, "Shepard was worried you wouldn't want to."

"I didn't want to intrude-" Miranda began apologetically.

"Nonsense. I rarely get to see Shepard because of her school work so this is a great time to meet the people important to her and she talks about you a lot." Karin said kindly.

Miranda's stomach somersaulted at the thought of Shepard even mentioning her to someone so close to her.

"I hope it wasn't all bad." Miranda laughed shakily, trying to stop her rising excitement at the thought of Shepard talking about her to Karin.

"None of it was. She loves spending time with you." Karin said, looking at her directly and Miranda wondered if there was perhaps more behind these words.

"Can you put that stuff away? I was like four when I made them." Shepard said indignantly, marching into the room.

* * *

On Christmas Eve Karin was hosting a small party for them- it consisted of absolutely terrible Christmas songs but wonderful chocolate biscuits and buttery Danish pastries which she had made especially. Before Miranda went to get ready she paid a visit to Shepard's.

Shepard's room was adjoining hers and just as large and spacious with high ceilings and huge windows that made the wonderful tree line outside feel ever closer as though they were almost going to be sleeping under the stars too.

Shepard was already dressed and she looked beautiful. She'd gone for a slightly more formal look than she usually did, reasoning that it was Christmas so she should at least make an effort. She was in the darkest blue dress which was sleeveless and had silver beads across the shoulders. Her arms were toned and graceful, and Shepard wore her hair up. She seemed lighter than usual, as though the festive season had taken away any distractions and she was perfectly content.

"I figured I'd give you your present now as I hate audiences." Miranda admitted, keeping the wrapped present behind her back and Shepard beamed.

"This is why I love Christmas." She exclaimed, sitting in antipcation on the bed.

"So not spending time with your nearest and dearest?" Miranda asked, with one perfect eyebrow raised.

"Nope, it's the loot."

"Typical." Miranda sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Come on then, gimme." Shepard grinned and Miranda plonked the badly wrapped package in Shepard's outstretched hands.

She tore off the wrapping paper in about a millisecond and looked at her gift adoringly. It was just a lion cuddly toy which gave a loud roar when it was squeezed.

"So you don't have to dress up as one again- you can just carry him."

"It's perfect." Shepard grinned. "Okay, then, I'll get yours."

Shepard grabbed a thin package from under her bed and tossed it at Miranda who caught it easily.

"You're pretty tough to buy for." Shepard admitted as Miranda opened the gift.

Miranda pulled it out of the box and stared at it for a whole minute. It was the framed photo that Shepard had taken when they were at the train station. Miranda looked at Shepard not knowing what to say.

"I know you've not had a lot of people you could count on before but you do now. Plus, I kind of thought your room could do with a more personal touch."

Miranda laughed not knowing how to explain how much this meant.

"It's really perfect." She confessed.

"That was my line," Shepard deadpanned.

"Shepard..."

"I know, I know...compliments. Well, here is one for you. I know I'm with Sam and Joker is my best friend, and Kaidan is like a brother to me but living with you has been amazing. When I get up every morning I'm glad you're the first person I see- unless Maya has actually crawled back and is stealing all of our coffee." Shepard joked.

The weight of what Shepard said hit her. Shepard saw her as so completely part of her life that Miranda's feelings both soared and transformed into something terrifying. She didn't even understand all of the things in her mind that she'd been toying with for weeks whenever she was around Shepard but this friendship and connection they had meant everything to Shepard and to her. She didn't want to ruin it yet when she was staring into those green eyes she couldn't break away. Her eyes lingered upon Shepard and found their way to her slightly dark red lips, her breathing growing heavier and then Shepard leaned back and gave a half cough and broke whatever was in that moment.

"You should start getting ready or you're going to miss my epic party dancing." Shepard joked, but they both knew it was a forced attempt.


	11. Unknown Intentions

Christmas had come and gone in a frenzy of activity which Shepard revelled in. A thick snowfall on Boxing Day was met with a furious snow ball fight between the students and then Shepard decided that they should make half a dozen snow men and woman on Karin's land, all elaborately designed.

New Year's Eve was set to be a quieter affair, mostly because they had all worn themselves out so thoroughly and they'd be leaving for the college in a couple of days.

Shepard was playing chess with Sam on her bed. They had separate rooms. She was sure Karin wouldn't object but she didn't like to even ask in case it was taken as a sign of disrespect or was in some way uncomfortable to the woman who had given her so much. Shepard also felt that it would be wrong with Miranda right next door and she thought fleetingly of that horrendous evening when she had taken refuge in Kaidan's dorm.

"What is this?" Sam laughed, picking up Lucas the Lion.

"A lion." Shepard said simply.

Sam rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I can actually see that. Joker wants to be careful; his title is at risk with your around." Sam laughed, kissing Shepard and putting the lion back down.

Shepard was as comfortable as ever with Sam although they had spent very little time alone together in at the house but Shepard was starting to wonder what being comfortable with Sam even meant and whether it was enough. Everything had been so easy that she just went with it. Sam was gorgeous, smart and funny and it just seemed like there was no reason not to. It wasn't love but there was deep affection but Shepard wondered whether she had gotten her lust at the time and the friendship they had built confused with the idea that it could turn into love down the line. She tried to banish these thoughts because she literally couldn't fault Sam who was always so kind and who always made her laugh but then the memory of Miranda being so close to her on Christmas Eve would creep into her mind, or in random moments her heart raced when she was sure she caught the scent of her elegant perfume only to have been imagining things. Every time she even so much as thought about touching Sam that soft giggle Miranda gave Jacob that evening rang in her ears and ruined any moment with Sam.

"I've always been more funny." Shepard retorted.

"Lately you've seemed a little distracted though," Sam stated but it was a gentle question Shepard knew.

"It's just Christmas and end of term college stuff. There's a lot being going on." Shepard blew off.

"That's true. Back to reality soon." Sam gave a slight smile and Shepard felt guilt that Sam would never doubt anything she said.

Joker burst into the room not even bothering to knock. He jumped onto the bed scattering chess pieces everywhere.

"Hey!" Sam laughed.

"Thank God, I had no chance of making a comeback." Shepard commented.

"You are welcome, Shepard." Joker said, taking his cap off and giving a mock little bow.

"What do you want, anyway?" Shepard asked.

"Just making sure nothing's going on here which shouldn't be." Joker teased.

"Because you're the moral pillar of the group." Sam remarked.

"I feel that somebody has to set a good example in our little group." Joker replied pompously.

"I thought that was Kaidan's job?" Shepard asked.

"Speaking of, he's getting very close with Miranda." Joker said quietly.

"What?" Shepard asked dismissively.

"Joker, she has a boyfriend already." Sam pointed out.

"So what? This is college and who could resist that smouldering, haughty attitude of Alenko's?" Joker replied.

"I thought Alenko liked Steve?" Sam asked, confused.

"Like I said, this is college." Joker replied, rolling his eyes at her naivety.

"They're just friends." Shepard insisted.

"I'm just saying, there was a spark there."

* * *

Shepard wondered more than once whether Joker was just messing with her. Alenko and Miranda seemed close but Kaidan confessed to her on New Year's Eve that he did have feelings for Steve but was still reluctant to take things further. He liked him but it wasn't anything serious. Miranda too seemed to have no interest in Alenko. She talked to him and was friendly but it seemed more like a connection brought about by two exceptionally focussed people than a connection based on anything sexual or romantic. Shepard reasoned that Joker was probably just trying to overcompensation for the fact Miranda thought exceptionally little of him.

Shepard felt that there were subtle changes taking place in her relationship with Miranda too. When Miranda passed Shepard in the hall way upstairs one morning, she had automatically put her hand on Shepard's back to move round her and then retracted it within a millisecond as though suddenly feeling that even such minimal contact shouldn't be taking place, and yet one night when they had piled up duvets downstairs and crammed in front of the TV to watch old horror films Shepard and Miranda's fingers lightly brushed against each other under the blankets. Miranda had shifted closer to Shepard under the pretext of moving to get warmer and pulled the blankets around her but as they sat barely touching Shepard could feel the tension in both their bodies.

They didn't look at each other during the entirety of the movie session but were both suspended in that one moment which stretched on to two movies for everybody else, but they paid no attention whatsoever to what was on screen. Shepard hardly dared breathe as though moving at all would risk ruining things.

The night before they were due to leave, Shepard awoke fitfully and decided to head down stairs for a cup of hot chocolate to help her sleep. She was surprised to find her aunt sitting at the kitchen bench with a steaming mug in her hand too but with medical journals in front of her.

"Sorry," Shepard said apologetically, making a hot chocolate.

"What for?" Karin asked in wonder.

"You've not had much peace lately to keep on top of your readings." Shepard said, sitting at the bench next to her aunt.

"Oh, don't give me that. I've enjoyed having you here. I always like reading at night best anyway- have done ever since medical school." Karin replied. "Why are you up though?"

"Couldn't sleep." Shepard shrugged.

"Bad dreams?" Karin asked gently.

"I'm not a child." Shepard scathed.

"I suspect many adults have a lot more nightmares than children." Karin replied sternly.

"No, just couldn't switch my mind off." Shepard answered.

"You have seemed tense lately." Karin watched her closely.

"I guess," Shepard shrugged again.

"How are things with Sam?" Karin asked after a moment.

Shepard had been about to take a drink but stopped her hand in mid air and put the mug down, smiling.

"Fine," Shepard said reflectively.

"And Miranda?"

Shepard groaned. She did not want to talk about this.

"You're not letting anybody down by changing your mind over what you want." Karin said softly.

"I'm feeling tired now. I'm going back to bed. Good night." Shepard replied briskly, but not harshly and she kiss her aunt on her cheek before she left.


	12. Where Loyalties Lie

Miranda was disappointed when it came to leaving Karin's house. Suddenly course work felt like drudgery rather than passion. The one thing she was looking forward to was some peace in her dorm with Shepard as with all of the hustle and bustle they had spent so little time together.

This plan, however, wasn't to be as when they arrived back on the Sunday evening Jacob was waiting at their dorm door to take her out. They headed to the Cerberus club and Jacob gave her a beautiful necklace as a belated Christmas present. Jacob was most definitely not in the mood to talk about their different holidays as shown by his snaking hand on the dance floor but Miranda just couldn't relax. She had missed him but made her excuses about feeling tired after the day of travelling which she was sure he fully didn't buy as the trip wasn't that long.

Luckily for Miranda she didn't have to lie much to him over the next week as her college workload piled high with her professors making up for lost time. Miranda was still trying to finish an assignment before midnight on the Friday night so she might have some hope of enjoying the weekend when she heard the slam of the dorm door. She went to check to see if Maya had stumbled back drunk after yet another fight with Kai but saw Shepard at the kitchen sink clutching a towel to her lip.

"What happened?" Miranda asked, rushing for to check on Shepard and she could see her lip steadily bleeding.

"Some loser jumped me." Shepard seethed.

"Come on, come sit down." Miranda gently guided her to the couch and checked on the wound. "You shouldn't need stitches. You were lucky."

"No, _he_ was lucky. Coward jumped me from behind, hit me then ran off." Shepard snarled.

"You didn't see who it was?" Miranda asked.

"No, just some drunk idiot I guess." Shepard sighed.

"Where is Sam? Did she just leave you?" Miranda asked sharply.

"No, I was out with Khalisa." Shepard said, tilting her head back.

"Does Sam know?" Miranda asked quietly after a minute and Shepard gave her a look of disbelief.

"She's doing journalism too. We just went for a drink after class." Shepard said defensively.

"So she left you then?"

"She didn't leave me. She lives in her own apartment so she took a cab and then I started walking back and this happened."

"You should have called me." Miranda scolded lightly, pulling the towel away to check once more.

"Miranda, it's a tiny cut." Shepard sighed exasperatedly.

"It could have been worse. He could have came back." Miranda reproached.

"Wish he had." Shepard muttered, furious.

"Don't say that..." Miranda whispered.

Shepard's green eyes locked with Miranda's blue. Miranda felt Shepard's hand in hers as she held onto the towel and she slowly pulled it down away from Shepard's face. Shepard was staring at her with such a lingering kind of intensity that Miranda felt as though she was being laid stark. Shepard saw everything about her. There was no hiding from her and there never had been. She'd never let anyone into her world as much as Shepard and she never let her guard down with anyone else.

Miranda lightly trailed a finger over Shepard's high cheek bones down to her jaw line absently. She felt Shepard tremble beneath the touch and Shepard was suddenly moving so much closer. Their lips locked and Miranda immediately sank into the kiss, pulling Shepard closer by the collar of her shirt. Shepard kissed her passionately and Miranda found herself kneeling on the couch, straddling Shepard. Her hands skimmed over her T-shirt and she shuddered at the feeling of Shepard's supple yet strong body beneath her hands. Miranda felt Shepard's hands run over her thighs and she found herself sinking into the couch, with Shepard sliding body between her legs and she gave a soft moan of longing.

It wasn't enough and she pulled Shepard yet ever closer so there wasn't a millimetre between their bodies. Their breathing was ragged and erratic between deep sensual kisses. Miranda let out a small gasp of anticipation as Shepard deftly slipped the button of her jeans undone. She had never once felt this need with Jacob.

Jacob.

Her boyfriend.

Shepard's friend.

Shepard who had a girlfriend.

"Fuck." Miranda spat in frustration, pushing Shepard up.

"What is it?" Shepard asked, panic stricken.

"Jacob. Sam." Miranda groaned, standing up and brushing her hair back out of her face.

"Fuck." Shepard repeated, panting slightly.

"Damn it, Shepard. Why did you have to do this?" Miranda asked desperately.

"Me?" Shepard stood up, defensively. "You kissed me back! You wanted this too!"

"I did not!" Miranda said indignantly.

"You think I haven't noticed the little looks you've been giving me for weeks now? How you watch me when I'm with Sam?" Shepard shouted in disbelief.

"Just because you throw yourself at everybody who comes your way don't think everybody else does the same." Miranda retorted harshly.

"Is that what you think I'm like?" Shepard demanded.

"Yes." Miranda insisted stubbornly but in truth she was angry she'd ever thought about Jacob at all as then the guilt wouldn't have stopped her from doing something she had wanted for so long now.

"Fine then, clearly this is all part of my sex driven imagination." Shepard spat.

"I'm with Jacob." Miranda insisted.

"Yeah, I got that memo." Shepard hurled at her sarcastically.

"He's meant to be your friend." Miranda shouted back at her, it was a low blow and she knew it but she needed Shepard to stop pulling her last bit of resolve apart.

"Fine, whatever, hope it works out for you two." Shepard said, making for the door.

"Where are you going?" Miranda called.

"Out."

"Shepard, you just got-" the door slammed behind Shepard, "hurt."

Miranda sank back down on the couch where they had been so utterly lost to each other just a few moments before. She felt, without truly realising, that tears were running down her face. Jacob had been such a huge part of her life for so long- her one constant and Shepard had burst into her world and shattered any idea she'd ever had before. She challenged every insecurity, tore down all of her guarded values. She didn't know what to do and she didn't know if she really did trust that Shepard's feelings wouldn't change in a week and she would never be able to forgive herself for betraying Jacob.


	13. Holding Onto The Idea Of Her

Shepard spent the next few weeks largely being avoided by Miranda which was quite some achievement given that they lived together. Miranda was also going out of her way to show that she had a strong relationship with Jacob. Either guilt was driving her or Miranda just wanted Shepard to take the hint and Shepard did, mostly because she didn't want to have to suffer through the realisation of how thin their walls were once more which meant she often found reasons to crash at her friends.

After three solid weeks of Miranda freezing her out, Shepard was quite surprised when Miranda sat down opposite her when she was at lunch in the cafeteria.

"What are you doing?" Shepard asked slowly.

"Jacob's noticed something is up." Miranda told her.

"So you're here for him?" Shepard asked, bored and stung.

"No...look, it's been weeks now so let's just try get back to normal." Miranda implored and Shepard merely stared at her fork. "Please, Shepard."

It tormented Shepard to hear Miranda plead for everything to be forgotten but she didn't know how to act.

"So how are your classes?"

"Fine." Shepard shrugged, making no attempt at conversation.

"Shepard," Miranda started so tentatively that Shepard looked up at her friend despite her intentions, "what do you think this thing is?"

Miranda was poking her fork at her lunch tray with great trepidation and Shepard actually gave a small laugh.

"I don't know but I think it died before either of us were born." She smirked and Miranda laughed.

"Finally, somebody has put a smile on her face!" Joker said theatrically, coming over to join them and sitting next to Miranda.

"What?" Miranda said quickly while Shepard went back to picking at her food with no interest.

"The little love bird has been so forlorn since breaking up with Sam. Honestly, I've nearly cried over it." Joker replied.

"You broke up with Sam?" Miranda questioned gently and Shepard despised how soft Miranda spoke to her then; it was so much easier thinking she just didn't care.

Shepard nodded.

"Ah well," Joker started consoling, "there's always Maya's Valentine's party."

"It's her boyfriend's party." Shepard corrected.

"You're invited too?" Miranda asked Joker in surprise.

"Don't look so shocked. In case you haven't noticed I'm in with all the cool kids- Alenko, Vega, Williams, Shepard...so Shepard, are you taking anybody?"

"Moved on already, have you?" Ashley interjected and she sat on the other side of Joker, while Vega and Steve sat either side of Shepard.

"Leave it out, Ash." James begged.

"Wish Sam could move on as quickly." Ashley responded darkly.

"I'm not even going to the stupid party." Shepard dismissed although she could feel Miranda's eyes on her.

"You have to go!" Joker protested.

"Joker, she can make up her own mind." Steve said kindly.

"This way Sam can go. It's not fair if you're strutting around with someone else." Ash criticised.

"Ash!" James cried.

"Don't 'Ash' me!" Ashley snapped.

"They dated for a few months- even Sam understands. It's the first year of college. Cut Shepard a break, it's not like she was looking to get married." James argued.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Ashley demanded.

"I've got to go finish an essay before next class." Shepard said, jumping up and rushing to get the hell out of there as James and Ash broke into an argument but fate was not on her side and she bumped into Sam when leaving.

"Hi," Sam said, falsely and overly cheery.

"Hi," Shepard said, uncomfortable.

"I know it's awkward." Sam started apologetically.

"Yeah, because of me." Shepard replied giving a small smile.

"This bit is a little strange but in a few weeks we'll just be back to being friends." Sam said and Shepard believed her sincerity.

"I'd really like that." Shepard said, full of honesty and Sam smiled and made her way to the lunch queue.

* * *

On Valentine's night Maya had actually turned up to her own dorm to get ready in some expensive dress Leng hadn't seen yet. Jacob came over not long after to pick Miranda up and he was giving Maya a lift too.

Maya spent the whole time bragging about Leng's place and scolding Shepard for not coming. Shepard had enough popularity around the place though that Maya did not subject her to a complete tirade abuse at the rejection which Shepard took small comfort in- she was in no mood to deal with Maya.

Miranda finally emerged from her room in a beautiful red dress and long red gloves but Miranda's eyes sought Shepard's first to gage the reaction to her outfit but Shepard hastily looked away. Maya noticed everything though.

"Doesn't she look gorgeous, Shepard?" Maya chimed.

Shepard knew Maya never gave anybody a compliment for nothing and merely smirked back at her.

"Not half as good as you, Maya." Shepard responded, giving her a sarcastic wink and Maya returned it with a look full of fire.

"Is something up?" Jacob asked curiously.

"Oh, well, who knows with these two!" Maya joked and Miranda spun around and marched for the door telling them to hurry up or they'd end up missing the party.

At the door Miranda gave Shepard a half glance but she pretended not to notice and headed for her room, pretending that she was in for a night of studying rather than staring absently at the ceiling.

* * *

Shepard was woken early the next morning by a knock on her door. She stumbled up and was greeted by a beaming Jacob who was dressed in his running gear.

"You got the wrong door." Shepard murmured sleepily.

"Wanted to see if you were up for a run." Jacob smiled.

Remembering what Miranda had said about Jacob noting her recent withdrawal, Shepard felt she had little choice but to agree.

Forty minutes into their run and they slowed down. As they exhaled little clouds of mist formed as it was not yet March and the park was covered in frost. They stuck to the path and were at the slopes, when on the right hand side was a ten foot sloping bank. Shepard had nearly slipped earlier and that fall would not have been amusing, at least for her.

"Haven't seen you around lately." Jacob remarked, panting slightly.

"Been catching up on things since Christmas." Shepard said.

"Yeah, it's tough coming back after the holidays." Jacob agreed. "I heard you broke up with Sam too, that's got to be tough."

"I guess," Shepard sighed.

"Love is hard, my friend." Jacob laughed. "Not that I'd know at the moment."

Shepard made an indistinct noise in the back of her throat, hoping that would suffice.

"Things with Miranda have been amazing since Christmas. I don't like to kiss and tell, Shepard, but she has been all over me." Jacob practically sang.

"That's great for you guys." Shepard said, fiddling with the sleeve of her dark green sweater.

"I don't know what happened over Christmas but she's like a different person." Jacob sighed contentedly.

"She must have just missed you." Shepard said vaguely. "You want to get going again?"

"Naaa, give it a minute or so." Jacob requested. "You think she'd want to move in with me?"

Shepard slowed to a halt and Jacob copied. Miranda leave her...

"Don't see why not." Shepard responded, forcing a smile.

"Really...?" Jacob said, looking around the park. "Because I'm not sure if she could tear herself away from you."

Shepard said nothing for a moment, she knew where this was going and what this whole run had been about now with that subtle change of tone in Jacob's voice. She didn't feel Jacob had much right to be having a go at her as this was between Miranda and him, and as much as she wanted Miranda, she wasn't about to stir things up with Jacob: Miranda had made her choice and Shepard respected that even if she loathed it.

"I'm sure she'd quickly get used to living without the mess." Shepard said, playing at a joke.

"Yeah, but she'd miss the secrets behind closed doors." Jacob said, anger starting to threaten every word.

"What secrets?" Shepard asked quietly so that Jacob could pretend not to hear.

"Maya says you two have gotten pretty close." Jacob rushed on.

"We're good friends but Maya is never actually around." Shepard replied calmly.

"You went to New York." Jacob stated, a bitter smile on his face.

"Because she didn't know me then. She needed someone who wasn't close to her." Shepard replied.

She would not rise. No matter what Jacob said she would not rise. He had every right to be angry but ultimately Miranda loved him and Shepard wasn't going to keep opening that wound. It had all been too painful. She felt like she had completely lost Miranda from her life and it was agony. The one small comfort was that at least Miranda appeared to be getting on with things which was far more than Shepard could say. She would not damage Miranda's and Jacob's relationship even more.

"She's cancelled on me loads, all to hang out with you." Jacob accused.

"She's got loads of work. She does her work at the dorm where I live." Shepard shrugged.

"You went to the Dark Star Lounge after our date." Jacob spat.

"How did you know ...?" Shepard asked, baffled.

"Kasumi - a friend of mine- was working there that night. I told her about the double date and she was surprised that you two went out alone afterwards." Jacob explained.

"Why didn't you say something before?" Shepard asked.

"Because I thought I was imagining things but then Miranda has a personality transplant. When she's with me in front of you she's all over me but every time you walk out the door she's depressed and will barely talk to me." Jacob shouted. "So go on, what happened?"

Shepard decided to give her version of the truth. Miranda could then do with it what she saw fit. She wasn't going to go out to harm their relationship but she didn't see how she could continue to deny everything now.

"I tried it on with her." Shepard said, shrugging." She said no, told me she was with you and happy and that she didn't want anything with me- that it was all in my head."

"She said that?" Jacob asked sharply.

"Yep."

"Then why is she moping?" Jacob asked.

"We were friends and I wrecked it and she probably didn't want to tell you in case we ended up falling out." Shepard reasoned vaguely.

Jacob laughed but it was full of anger and empty of humour.

"Look at you. You don't even care about the mess you leave behind, do you?" Jacob shouted.

"What mess? Everything is the same as it's always been with you two. It's me who the problem is with." Shepard said, hands in her pocket.

"What about Sam? Is that why you broke up with her? Do you even give a damn about her?" Jacob yelled.

"I broke up with Sam because it wasn't working." Shepard sighed.

"And that's all so easy for you." Jacob retorted sarcastically.

"I make choices every day and I live with them. I've not complained once about not being friends with Sam, about my friends being angry with me and about your anger now. I get on with it. I don't make grand scenes, that's not my style." Shepard replied, just wishing the conversation was over.

"You are a complete mess. Do you even care about Miranda either?" Jacob asked forcefully.

"Of course I do." Shepard snapped.

"You are so fucked up, Shepard. Just stay the hell away from both of us." Jacob sneered, backing away and turning to run to the college and, Shepard knew, to Miranda.


	14. The Fear Of What May Not Be

Miranda woke late and sluggishly in Jacob's dorm. His roommates were out, having all gone back to a partner's dorm or flat from the following night. Miranda had not enjoyed the activities from the night before. She was pining for Shepard and seeing couples around everywhere had not helped at all. She was irritated that Shepard hadn't even noticed her in that bloody red dress. She was acting like a child, she knew, by seeking her attention so much but she couldn't stop herself. The night just went from bad to worse particularly when she was with Jacob who seemed intent on demonstrating just how much of a couple they were. She couldn't blame him; she'd been so hot and cold lately he must be confused but there was something in the way Maya had made digs about Shepard and how she'd found her chatting with Jacob alone that night that she didn't trust. Her unease grew when she saw a note on the kitchen bench from Jacob saying that he had gone for a run with Shepard. They had barely spent any time together in weeks and usually Williams, Vega and sometimes Alenko went with them.

Jacob returned several hours later, sweaty and looking most disgruntled. He ignored Miranda at first and grabbed a drink from the fridge and then made for the shower.

"How was the run?" Miranda asked carefully before Jacob could close the door behind him.

"Shepard said she tried it on with you and that you turned her down." Jacob said directly and Miranda wasn't surprised at this as Jacob had always been open with her.

Shepard's twist had not surprised her although it hurt her to think Shepard might really have believed that one sided version. She couldn't protest as she had piled all the blame on her but it was out of fear for them all and what it meant. She also knew that no matter what had happened Shepard would always look out for her, that thought moved her greatly and it was that as much as wanting to be honest with Jacob that meant she could no longer hide.

"That's not what happened," Miranda admitted, "we kissed."

Jacob moved forwards slightly, back into the living room.

"When?" Jacob asked.

"About a month ago." Miranda answered.

"When exactly?" Jacob repeatedly firmly.

"That night Shepard got a bloody lip." Miranda answered shakily.

"She kissed you or you kissed her?" Jacob asked, his eyes narrowed.

"Both. I stopped it after a few minutes but I wanted her. God, I wanted her." Miranda admitted, blinking furiously to drive back the tears which were already starting to form.

Jacob shook his head furiously and went to sit on the couch, his thumbs together and resting on his temple while he stared down at the ground.

"Tell me you love me." He requested quietly.

Miranda wanted to be able to say it, she so wanted to. Jacob had been kind and sweet and just there for her for everything. She hadn't had a relationship like that since Niket and she didn't want to hurt him. She was disgusted in herself for this but she just couldn't say something she didn't feel.

"I can't." She admitted after a moment.

"Tell me you don't love Shepard." Jacob requested, still staring at the floor.

"I can't." She repeated in a whisper and Jacob threw his arms up in frustration and paced the room several times before finally spinning round to face his girlfriend.

"What the hell happened?" Jacob demanded.

"I don't know-" Miranda shouted, genuinely baffled by all that had led to this point, "-being around her all the time..."

"This is ridiculous. You hated her, then she was best friends with you over night and now this. What the hell, Miranda?"

"I don't know!" Miranda repeated, knowing how pathetic she sounded.

Jacob stopped pacing and sat on the couch once more. It was a long time before either of them spoke again.

"What do you want to happen?" Jacob asked.

Miranda didn't even know what she wanted. She couldn't stay away from Shepard- even in these last few weeks when she had sworn to herself that she had to but the idea of breaking up with Jacob was so painful. She knew she was being weak but the depths of her own feelings scared her and she had refrained from even trying to process them. She didn't know what was going on with Shepard and she was terrified to really find out.

When Miranda didn't answer Jacob carried on.

"Move in with me." Jacob said, quietly.

"What?" Miranda asked, taken aback.

"Get away from her and stay away from her and we can carry on." Jacob explained calmly.

"I can't-" Miranda protested.

"Why not?" Jacob finally shouted.

"I can't leave her!" Miranda shouted back.

Jacob stood up slowly.

"There it is, then."

He threw her a bitter look and then headed for the shower.

* * *

Less than an hour later, Miranda entered her dorm to see Shepard in shorts and a T shirt watching a box set on the couch. Shepard turned it off and rose when Miranda came in but she marched round her and sat at the other end of the couch. They didn't speak for a moment with Shepard looking uncertainly at her.

"Jacob told me what you said." Miranda said, deciding to put Shepard out of her misery.

"I didn't say anything-"

"Relax, I know you tried to keep me out of trouble, Shepard." Miranda said gently, turning her head towards her. "I told him everything anyway."

"Which was?" Shepard asked hesitantly.

"That I kissed you too."

"You regretted it though." Shepard asserted- even now Shepard was trying to defend her and to look out for her.

"No, I didn't." Miranda said slowly but clearly.

Shepard shifted in her chair.

"You probably regret it now though," Shepard commented, not daring to look at Miranda.

"No, not really." Miranda confessed.

Shepard turned her head dramatically and even managed a grin.

" Okay, what is happening with you and Jacob then?" She asked.

"It's over." Miranda stated, not knowing how to feel.

"Then I'm going to kiss you."

"What?" Miranda turned back to Shepard in surprise. "You can't!"

"I want to kiss you, Miranda and I'm pretty sure you want to kiss me again too." Shepard stated, sitting up.

Nerves crashed over Miranda. Shepard always wrong footed her and made her head spin. She wished she could hate that rather than find it entirely enticing.

"Shepard, we can't-" Miranda protested weakly.

"Give me one good reason." Shepard teased.

"I don't even know what this is." Miranda exclaimed.

"Neither do I but I want to find out." Shepard remarked, full of determination. "I set my life on fire for this. I was quite happy with Sam but it just wasn't right. I don't even care what my friends think. This is what matters. I just want to be with you."

Miranda's heart was soaring at these words and she struggle to regain some composure.

"Shepard, this isn't the end of a rom-com. You can't just say these dramatic things and expect me to fall at your feet-" Miranda argued but Shepard leaned forwards and caught Miranda's mouth in hers.

Miranda forgot that they were even arguing and that she was supposed to be telling Shepard that this was a bad idea. This kiss was gentler and more tender than their first, as though savouring each moment and not wanting to rush because it was the promise of so many more. The last had been frantic, out of desperation and passion because they knew they might not get another moment but this was full of confidence and of a new devotion to one another.

"Well argued," Miranda conceded quietly when they broke apart.

"And furthermore," Shepard whispered quietly, returning to kiss Miranda once more.


	15. Waking Up Together

Shepard was certain that in the entire time of living with Miranda that neither one of them had quite spent the night like this. Shepard woke up to Miranda's arm wrapped around her waist. Maya had come in and disturbed them last night as they were awkwardly yet happily sat through their box set. They both knew she only came by to try to wind them up after her antics with Jacob. Maya was absolutely fuming that Miranda wasn't broken hearted and Shepard hadn't come any off any worse for wear in her row with Jacob. Shepard couldn't help but laugh at Maya's seething expression when Miranda dragged Shepard off theatrically into her bedroom where they broke down into fits of silent giggles.

They had spent the night together, but only to actually sleep in the same bed. Neither of them particularly wanted to rush things and a lot had happened in the space of a few hours. Shepard hardly dared breathe in case she disturbed Miranda and she tried to reclaim her arm.

"Good morning," Miranda spoke, croakily after ten minutes or so.

Shepard turned slowly to face Miranda who did not retract her arm.

"I have no makeup on." Shepard said regretfully and Miranda rolled her eyes.

"You look fine." Miranda dismissed.

"Fine?" Shepard asked, eye brows raised.

"It's too early for this, Shepard..." Miranda groaned.

"Fine," Shepard repeated huffily, turning to lie on her back.

"Beautiful then." Miranda conceded but Shepard merely shrugged. "Stunning. Gorgeous. I'm surprised all of the girls in the college aren't fighting their way in here."

"I've been through most of them already." Shepard said slyly.

"So I have heard." Miranda replied drily.

Shepard flipped onto her stomach and watched Miranda seriously for a moment.

"Do you regret this?"

"No. Why would I?" Miranda asked, stroking Shepard's hair and letting her fingers trail down her back and Shepard shuddered at the touch.

"You were with Jacob a long time." Shepard replied.

"Longer than I should have been. I want to be with you." Miranda responded firmly.

Shepard knew that there was absolutely zero point to even trying to resist a smile at those words.

"You do?" Shepard beamed.

"Yes, but I think we should go on a date." Miranda said.

"A date?" Shepard repeated, aghast.

"Yes, a date." Miranda clarified. "We've never really hung out in that setting before - the only time we did we were with our partners which wasn't exactly the best plan."

Shepard had to agree, that had been a disastrous plan. The whole night also made her feel a bit sleazy now she knew that Jacob had already suspected something between her and Miranda and they had went out to party afterwards. It was not her proudest moment but she could never regret any time she spent with Miranda - even if they were winding each other up.

"A date." Shepard repeated, almost in wonder at the thought.

"Yes, Shepard, a date." Miranda replied smiling at Shepard acting as though she'd never heard of the word before.

Shepard quickly thought of something that would make this prospect more fun.

"Do you think you could wear that red dress again?" Shepard asked cautiously.

"Really?" Miranda asked, raising one perfect eye brow.

"You looked good and I only got to see you for about a second." Shepard said.

"I suppose I can drag it out of the wardrobe again if I'm forcing you to take me somewhere nice." Miranda admitted.

"Somewhere nice?" Shepard repeated. "I didn't agree to that. I was thinking of just going to Afterlife. A few strippers is always fun."

Shepard earned a playful slap on her stomach.

"Okay, okay, I'll think of something else." Shepard relented and then sighed. "A date?"

"A date." Miranda nodded kissing Shepard into silence.


	16. Date Night

Miranda stood rather awkwardly waiting for Shepard at the casino. She didn't know why she had insisted on them leaving separately, just that it felt more date like than seeing Shepard rush about to get ready and it took off some of the pressure of reminding them both that they already lived together. Miranda knew it was a stupid thought as no matter what happened they'd be reminded of that fact when they left together that night.

She saw Shepard in a beautiful black dress walk over to her and instantly relaxed. Miranda never quite felt at ease without Shepard. She found it highly irritating how Shepard always managed to break through her barriers.

"Nice outfit, Shepard." Miranda smiled.

"You look beautiful." Shepard replied earnestly, earning a small blush from Miranda. "So why did you choose this place?"

"I thought you'd be surprised but I thought it would be a nice change. Something different to do together." Miranda replied.

"It was a good thought." Shepard replied kindly.

"I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to be..." Miranda admitted.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked frowning.

"We were friends first and this is just a bit...strange. I'm not very good at letting people in or being normal really." Miranda replied self-consciously, worried that Shepard was going to be disappointed by her.

"Miranda, you're here and I finally get to spend some proper alone time with you- that's all I want. Forget any expectations with relationships. This is just about us and we're at our best when we're just having fun with each other." Shepard replied and Miranda felt truly reassured.

"Okay, then. Do you have a lucky number?" Miranda asked, gesturing to the roulette table but Shepard slipped behind her and kissed her shoulder and Miranda trembled at the intimate gesture.

"Three." Shepard whispered in her ear.

"Why three?" Miranda asked.

"No idea but heard that three times is a charm so figured I'd test that theory out." Shepard said and Miranda laughed.

"Oh God, I'm going to need more wine to get through tonight." Miranda teased.

"Waiter," Shepard ordered to a nearby server, "get this woman more wine."

"You know, you're pretty sexy when you're so commanding." Miranda replied softly.

"You've seen nothing yet." Shepard smiled, snaking her arms around Miranda's waist and they watched the roulette spin.

"With everything that's happened...everyone is going to hate us...the odds are against us, you know." Miranda said, sadly.

"In case you haven't noticed I love defying the worst expectations about me." Shepard replied and Miranda laughed and turned to face her.

"Yeah, you are insufferably stubborn." Miranda said, giving her a quick kiss.

"Maybe...but if it's any consolation I told Karin how I feel about you and that I was taking you out tonight and she said that 'it was about damn time' so someone is rooting for us." Shepard smiled.

"That's really lovely." Miranda replied, touched.

"And Joker is really pleased too."

"He is?" Miranda asked sceptically as they had never really gotten along.

"Are you kidding? His exact words were 'cheers Shep, now we've got someone hot in the group'. Ash did not take that well." Shepard said, pulling a face that suggested Joker's retribution was painful.

"How do you think Sam will react?" Miranda asked; she may never have liked Sam much but only because she was jealous of her relationship with Shepard, but she had always respected her very much so.

"Sam will be cooler than anyone. She was sad when we broke up obviously but she gets it. These things just happen. She's really great." Shepard said sadly.

"Hey, you two will be friends again." Miranda soothed her.

"Aren't we supposed to not talk about ex's on a first date?" Shepard asked.

"I don't really see how we can avoid them." Miranda admitted.

"Well, we are going to have to because I want tonight to be all about us." Shepard said, kissing Miranda again.

Shepard was truly wonderful for the rest of the evening. They had to give up gambling pretty quickly as they were both so terrible at it and Miranda knew Shepard didn't have money to waste. They grabbed a meal but it was cold by the time they got half way through it because they were chattering and laughing so much.

Since Miranda was now free to really acknowledge her feelings for Shepard she felt that they had somehow tripled overnight. She started to appreciate the little things that she had never really thought about before like how Shepard always wanted to make sure she was comfortable, how she open doors for her and silly things like automatically offering Miranda her only set of gloves as they walked back.

Miranda also felt rather in lust with Shepard and not just in love- even if she hadn't admitted those words quite yet. She'd always struggled not to sneak glances at Shepard but now there was no need not to. She remembered fighting to keep her hand away from Shepard's that night under the duvets over Christmas but now Shepard happily took hers and Miranda felt stupidly excited by this small gesture. She was also sure Shepard had chosen that particular dress because she knew it clung to her in all of the right places and she was toying with her. Shepard may act innocent and oblivious to relationships sometimes but she was a lot smarter than she let on. Miranda now understood how she had managed to pull Kelly so quickly, although she quickly tried to get that particular memory out of her mind.

As they stood awkwardly at Miranda's dorm door Miranda was gripped by a feeling that she did not want the night to end and was having a huge internal battle over what to do. She said she didn't want to rush things and wanted to be respectful to Jacob but Shepard was standing here about to say goodnight, looking gorgeous and they'd just had the most fun evening...

"Tonight was incredible." Shepard laughed.

"Yeah, even though we both suck at roulette." Miranda replied, smiling.

"Well, I used up all of my luck when I started dating you obviously," Shepard teased sarcastically.

"Ha ha ha," Miranda pushed her playfully.

"Okay, good night then, Miranda." Shepard said, kissing her on the cheek swiftly and then turning to her own bedroom.

"Oh sod it," Miranda snapped, dropping her clutch bag and pulling Shepard back to her and into her bedroom and into a passionate embrace, closing the door quickly behind them.

As Shepard undressed her, Miranda shuddered under Shepard's gaze which was burning with intensity and suddenly she felt more exposed than she ever had done before and it had nothing to do with being naked.

"You're so beautiful." Shepard whispered to her and returned to kiss her from her lips right down to her stomach.

Shepard spent hours pleasuring Miranda, listening intently to everything that Miranda responded to and Miranda was in bliss. Miranda could not, however, keep her hands off Shepard even though it was the younger girl who seemed intent of administering the pleasure. Miranda felt a thrill at this; they were equal partners, challenging each other in every way but listening and responding and anticipating.

Miranda adored Shepard's body and kissed and sucked her firm breasts, drawing long moans from Shepard. She fully enjoyed exploiting Shepard's one true weakness: she found it so teasing when Miranda played with her thighs and Miranda revelled in this power and in seeing Shepard like this. They both shared all of their small intimate secrets with each other with ferocious passion.

They urged each other fervently on, sweaty and moaning and feeling each other's tight wetness before they both finally came together, sinking back into the bed, fighting for breath. Miranda pushed herself up slightly to kiss Shepard once more and then lay down as they both regained themselves.

"I'm glad you decided not to wait anymore..." Shepard laughed.

"Oh good, so does that mean you'd like to again?" Miranda asked huskily, biting Shepard's bottom lip briefly.

"There is no way I'm leaving this bed room again." Shepard replied.


	17. Venturing Out

Unfortunately, the pair of them did have to leave their beds again. Shepard was pleased that Maya had disappeared and hoped it had been for good. The rumour was that she was trying to get Leng to propose to her and she supposed that was one way to counter the rumours that he had spent the whole of Valentine's leering at Miranda, to Shepard's disgust.

Shepard did not enjoying venturing back out into the real world and not just because she wanted to spend every moment with Miranda but because she was most definitely out in the cold. Miranda had been certain that Jacob wouldn't have said anything due to this pride and his sense of honour but she had most definitely been wrong on both counts as Shepard learned as she headed to her first class when she bumped into Ash.

"You chucked Sam for that?" Ash demanded.

"Er..." Shepard mumbled, not having the faintest idea why Ash was suddenly yelling at her again.

"What? Did her brains intimidate you or the fact she had a personality? I never expected you to be so shallow, Shepard." Ash retorted and Shepard finally realised that she must have known.

"How do you-"

"Jacob told me this morning on our run." Ash explained and Shepard rolled her eyes. "You're not bothered by that? He's supposed to be your friend."

"He is but I can't help that I care for Miranda." Shepard sighed.

"You betrayed us, Shepard." Ash spat. "If that's what friendship means to you then I don't even know what to think."

"Hey, Ash!" Kaidan called after her, coming to join Shepard but she marched off. "What was that about, Shepard?"

"She was just telling me what a great friend I am." Shepard replied sadly.

"She'll get over it. She's just really protective of Sam." Kaidan explained gently.

"I know. I'm glad she is really." Shepard replied honestly. "Aren't you annoyed at me too?"

"No way," Kaidan laughed, "I'm not big on drama, Shepard and you're a good friend. You didn't handle this in the best way but you're not a bad person. Besides, any idiot could see the chemistry between you and Miranda."

"You knew?" Shepard asked, shocked.

"It was obvious." He laughed again.

"Why didn't you tell me then? I could have sorted this whole thing out earlier." Shepard demanded and Kaidan burst out laughing again.

"Hey, they're your feelings- how was I supposed to know you were so oblivious?" Kaidan replied.

"Because it's me." Shepard replied drily.

"She's got a point there." Joker replied, coming over. "You two do know classes are about to start, right?"

"Oh shoot." Shepard replied, running off and giving them both a friendly wave.

She knew Joker wouldn't be annoyed at her. He was always disdainful of any drama and refused to get involved himself. He just cared that he was still allowed to make jokes. Sadly, the rest of the group were not the same. James tried to talk to Shepard a few times in the corridor but Ash always quickly appeared, Sam dashed off whenever she so much as glanced Shepard and this caused her deep pain, even Steve was off with her and to top it off Khalisa wanted to interview her for her gossip column. Things did not improve until lunch time and Miranda jumped into a seat opposite her at a spare table.

"What's wrong?" Miranda asked intuitively.

"Everyone hates me." Shepard replied forlornly.

"Yeah, Jacob isn't exactly my best friend right now either." Miranda replied.

"Has he said anything to you?" Shepard asked.

"I'm getting the silent treatment but after how he shouted at you that might just be a good thing." Miranda shrugged.

"Doesn't it bother you that people are whispering about us?" Shepard asked her quietly and Miranda watched her closely for a moment.

"Do you doubt us now?" Miranda asked slowly.

"Not for a second." Shepard replied firmly.

"Then no," Miranda replied smiling, and she leaned across the table to kiss Shepard, "because this is what matters."

"Ugh." Joker groaned. "I thought there was no way you two were going to be a PDA couple."

Joker replied, sitting down next to Miranda who promptly withdrew from Shepard.

"Glad to disappoint." Miranda retorted with a slight smile.

"I suppose you've got to make a statement given how many girls have thrown themselves at Shepard." Joker replied.

"Such a shock when they have you as an option..." Miranda retorted.

"Honestly, next you'll be doing it in the engineering department. That place is full of windows." Joker carried on.

"Ooh, good idea." Shepard chimed but then abruptly looked down at her tray of food as she saw Sam at the food line and Miranda looked over to see what had quietened Shepard.

"She'll come round." Miranda reassured her. "It'll just take her time to get used to seeing us in public like this."

"Yeah, Sam never holds grudges. Must be pretty rough. Like the guilt of kicking a puppy or something." Joker remarked. "Or more like kicking a puppy, ditching it and then buying a brand new cuter one."

Shepard laughed sarcastically.

"So you think I'm cuter than Sam?" Miranda asked.

"So not touching that one. I don't want Shepard's crown as the fallen prince of the group." Joker replied. "Are you to coming to the festival at the park next weekend?"

Shepard threw Miranda an uncertain look as she'd completely forgotten about it. Joker however, didn't wait for an answer as he cursed that he'd forgotten some work and rushed off to the library, even leaving his tray which Shepard supposed would be her responsibility to clear up.

"So should we go?" Shepard asked tentatively, knowing that Miranda hated these type of events.

"Why?" She asked with typical disdain.

"Sex in a tent." Shepard shrugged.

"You do know how to sweep a girl off her feet." Miranda replied in a falsely sweet voice.

"Okay, okay," Shepard relented.

"Do you want to go?" Miranda asked after a moment but Shepard merely gave a non committal shrug. "Fine, we'll go but if I hate it I'm leaving."

"I'll be there and I make everything fun..." Shepard replied.

"I won't bother packing my toothbrush then..." Miranda retorted.


	18. A Weekend Away

The park was even more disgusting than Miranda could have anticipated. Already there were bits of litter everywhere despite it being the first morning. Shepard had woken up in an excited fever at the prospect of this event. Miranda thought for a terrifying second that something was wrong as it had still been dark outside but no, it was just Shepard being Shepard. She could smile slightly at that now, but only because she'd had three cups of coffee.

Miranda had looked forward to this only because it meant that Shepard was in her element. The woman was positively infectious when she was this ecstatic so that Miranda couldn't help but feel a tingle of excitement too even though the idea of hearing substandard bands really wasn't her usual idea of fun. In truth, she could have happily spent the entire weekend in bed with Shepard but she figured they'd had to get used to leaving their dorm from time to time.

"Damn it." Miranda cursed as the tent collapsed inward on itself again just as Miranda was connecting the last pole.

"Let me try," Shepard offered kindly but Miranda snapped back.

"I can do it." Miranda insisted stubbornly and she didn't dare respond to Shepard's enraging smirk.

Just because she didn't like these types of things or people much she didn't want Shepard to think of her as incompetent. Miranda struggled on. To Shepard's credit, she didn't offer to help again but stood back watching impressed as Miranda finally got it up. It was just big enough for the two of them which Miranda scoffed at knowing it would be uncomfortably hot and Shepard was such a fidgety sleeper but Shepard merely pacified her with a kiss and quick and suggestive comment about how snug they would be.

Shepard decided to treat Miranda by buying them both a hot dog.

"Oh, that's gratitude." Miranda called sarcastically as Shepard went to the other side of the park to grab them lunch.

Miranda started sorting through the rest of their gear but was soon interrupted by Kaidan, Vega and Ashley. Miranda didn't mind the first two but stiffened at the sight of the latter. Ashley had hardly been enthusiastic about her relationship with Shepard but Miranda thought fiercely that it had absolutely nothing to do with her.

"Nice tent." Kaidan smiled.

"Thanks." Miranda nodded in gratitude.

"Surprised Shepard didn't knock it over she's that clumsy." James joked.

"That's why I put it up and refused to let her help." Miranda replied and Kaidan and James laughed, Ashley remained stony.

"A romantic weekend for you two then." Ash said coolly.

"Yeah, pitching a tent in the park- every girl's dream." Miranda scathed.

She was looking forward to time with Shepard of course, but the implication that she and Shepard were on some grand romantic holiday to rub anybody's nose in it was frankly ludicrous, Miranda thought.

"Ahh, camping is the best fun. You'll see. If Shepard doesn't completely do your head in, of course." Kaidan smiled.

"Come on, one of the band's is starting soon." Ash said and dragged Vega off and he gave an apologetic wave but Kaidan remained.

"Don't worry about her." He reassured.

"You think I would?" Miranda questioned and Kaidan laughed.

"No, I guess not." He replied fairly.

"I should find Shepard; she's taking forever. She probably got bloody lost even though she's ran round this place enough times. Thanks for stopping by." Miranda bid Kaidan farewell.

She liked Alenko; he was respectable and always fair. He probably didn't like how Sam had been hurt but she could understand that and yet he never took it out on either of them.

Miranda walked on through the crowds of people. There were dozens of tents up already. It would be a small festival as the park wasn't that great a space but it would be busy. There was a certain buzzing of antipcation to it already. Miranda walked on for only a few minutes before she saw Shepard in the distance, holding two hot dogs which were sure to be cold by now, and talking closely with Sam.

Miranda paused for a second, not wanting to interrupt. Shepard was slightly too close though. This was ridiculous, Miranda scolded herself as she hovered there. She finally made up her mind when she saw Sam place her hand on Shepard's forearm.

"Hey," Miranda said slightly too warm to Shepard as she made her way over.

Shepard looked at her in slight surprise and then smiled back.

"Sorry, I got side tracked." She apologised, handing Miranda her food.

"It's okay. I didn't know you were coming, Sam." Miranda said in yet another falsely cheery voice.

"I probably won't stay for the whole thing but Ashley dragged me to be honest." Sam smiled. "I should go find them again. See you later."

Sam practically ran out of there which only served to raise Miranda's suspicions more.

"You were talking a while..."

Shepard rolled her eyes in amusement and smiled.

"I was just trying to build bridges. I told her nothing happened between us when I was with her. I think she believed me. I think she thought she'd been a bit of a fool but I told her how recent this was."

Miranda shrugged and crossed her arms nonchalantly.

"Recent but that it's really important to me and I wouldn't have hurt her if I wasn't sure how much I cared for you." Shepard elaborated and Miranda relented slightly, uncrossing her arms.

She knew she shouldn't doubt Shepard but Sam was just so kind and warm.

"What did she say?" Miranda asked.

"She accepted it and wished us well." Shepard replied.

"She's a really nice person..." Miranda whispered and she looked away from Shepard's gaze.

"Yeah, she is and so are you."

Miranda felt Shepard's finger under her chin raise her head so their eyes met. Miranda blushed slightly in that intense look Shepard gave her every so often. It was a look that Miranda felt both empowered by but also completely vulnerable.

"I don't have any doubts. I meant everything I said about us. I'm in this." Shepard assured her.

"Come on then, or the tent will have collapsed again." Miranda sighed.

"Told you that I should have put it up." Shepard grinned.


End file.
